Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Anger

It seems like the Lord has been ever so gently revealing to me that anger is extremely destructive. Our ladies Bible study is going through Dr. S M Davis' series on anger (which is awesome and I highly recommend them). The first one is called Anger-The Destroyer. It was enlightening. I had listened to this before but it never really made me want to change. I always have known that I have had an anger problem but I did not know how to fix it. I thought that it was fine for a mom to yell at her kids because it made them obey. What I did not realize is that I have trained my children to respond only when my voice reaches a certain level. I have trained them to be just as angry as I am. When I look at Tirzah I realize that I need to change so that I do not start these bad habits with her. I have been studying scripture to see what the Bible has to say about anger and also reading books about it. I am amazed at the amount of books that I own that deal with this issue. Last night I prayed that the Lord would reveal something to me while I was reading my Bible. William and I are reading through the Bible in a year. It is convicting when you 11 year old son comes into your room and asks why you skipped a day. He has been very consistent as where I have had to catch up a few days. Anyway, I was reading in Proverbs 30 last night (which I have read many times before) when something jumped off the page.

If you have been foolish, exalting yourself,
or if you have been devising evil,
put your hand on your mouth.
For pressing milk produces curds,
pressing the nose produces blood,
and pressing anger produces strife.
(Proverbs 30:32-33 ESV)


Wow! I never saw that before. My anger produces strife in my children. I mean I know that. We all know that. But do we really KNOW it? Do we really work to get rid of the anger in our lives. I have purposed this week and last week to and really from now on to make an effort to not let my anger show. I have been realizing how much I am angry. I have been trying to stop myself and literally "put your hand over your mouth." Let me tell you that when you have a habit and sin that has been so much a part of your life for many years that it is exhausting to try and stop. Through the strength of the Lord I have been having little victories these past two weeks. I have also had setbacks. I am learning what triggers me and what time of day is the worst for me. I am trying to laugh and enjoy my children more and be more consistent with my discipline. I am speaking to them gently and catching myself when my voice gets agitated. Oh my, am I tired. But this is what God calls me to do. To repent means a turning away from. I have resolved to turn away from my anger. I hope you will pray for me as I endeavor to teach my children to have a humble spirit by having one myself.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Things Overheard at the Trautman House This Week

From Daniel - as we were reviewing his letter sounds with flashcards
"A, B, C, D, E, Ribbit Ribbit." there was a picture of a frog for the letter F

Esther - this morning as we snuggled in bed
"Mommy, you stretch like a princess."

Me - to Caleb
"Don't you put that snake on my bed." referring to a rubber snake

Everyone
"I love you. I love you infinity and beyond." a game we play to see who can say it first after someone says I love you.

Friday, January 20, 2012

This Day

Do you ever have one of "those" days? You know, the kind where it seems like your kids are bent on driving you into the insane asylum. The kind where you think that they got together the night before just to think of ways to drive you crazy. Well, today was like that. It started off with waking up late. Me, not them. That is never a good start. When your two year old comes and climbs up in your bed and has an apple in his hand it is never a good sign. Breakfast went okay but that was only because I made smoothies, which happens to be their favorite. Alex was the last one to get up, as usual. I yelled up that stairs that if he was not dressed and down in the kitchen in five minutes that I was going to drink his smoothie. I heard a crash upstairs and the frantic movement of feet and he flew down the stairs withe seconds to spare. I was looking forward to that smoothie too. I sent the kids outside to play after I thought the kitchen was cleaned up (my mistake for trusting that an 12, 11, and 10 year old would actually do their morning chores correctly.) I had to call each of them back in to redo their jobs the right way (any other mother get tired of training their children to do the same chore 100 times.) The screaming started outside with Daniel not getting his way and that just set Sam and Caleb to screaming too. I think that if someone had been walking down the road they would have thought a murder was occurring. That was the way it was all day. No one was happy with anything. I decided to get some exercise this morning and, horror of horrors, I told them that we were going to, wait for it, the park!!!! They simultaneously erupted into crying and whining. I just stood there in shock. They love to go to the park. I was absolutely in an utter state if confusion. I packed everyone in the car and began to wonder where Alex was. I walked to the back yard only to find my oldest son with a hose watering the hill. I yelled at him to cease and desist only to have him look at me and ask why. Why? Why can you NOT make my backyard into a mud pit? Why can you NOT make a mud slide out of the hill? I began to not so calmly explain the hundred reasons why. The laundry, the slipping and falling flat on your face. The fact that you won't be able to get back up the hill. He wanted to take the sleds and literally make a slide out of mud. He could not understand why I was so angry. Could it be that I had just told all of them that they could not slide down the hill until the sun dried up the ground a little bit more. Well, I finally got everyone in the car, after threatening to leave Caleb in the house. He was standing at the door yelling at me in words I could not comprehend but he got his point across. I should have just stayed home and put them all in chairs and had training time. The park trip went well. Back home we had lunch which again was a favorite of the kids, baked potatoes with fixins. After putting Caleb down for a nap I sent the kids outside. Esther and Daniel got into a fight over, wait for it, a stick. No joke. Last week I had confiscated a stick that literally was in the shape of a gun. No lie. The kids all wanted it so I took it away and hid it. Esther found it today and Daniel proclaimed that it was his. Esther's solution to the problem was to take it out in the backyard and throw it into the neighbors back yard which is full of kudzu. Daniel meanwhile is following her screaming at the top of his lungs. I am following both of them trying to figure out what the problem is. If I had a camera I would have won AFV. Well, needless to say, Esther and Daniel both ended up being disciplined and spending some time in chairs. Right when I finally had peace and was going to start some chores I needed to get done baby girl woke up and needed to nurse. By the time I was done with her the kids were done playing outside, Caleb was up, and it was time to start dinner. I hate clocks. I got dinner all ready and warming in the oven for when Carl came home. I sat down and wanted to take a nap only to deal with Caleb and Sam screaming over toys. Caleb kept trying to tell me something about his finger but with his limited vocabulary he resorted to yelling and shoving his finger in my face. Sam meanwhile decided he wanted a red apple immediately even though I had already told him, and Esther, and Daniel, and Nathan, and everyone else, that no they could not have a snack 10 minutes before dinner. I was exhausted when Carl came home. I told him that after dinner I had to go upstairs and clean our room, which really was not a lie. Our room looked like someone taken every piece of clothing from the entire house and dumped it on our floor. I now have all the kids in bed and am sitting here with Tirzah plastered to my hip. That is the only way she will go to sleep at night. The dryer is going, the downstairs is clean (or at least I hope - I have not been down to check yet), and my room now has a floor that is clear of clothing, dirty diapers, hot wheel cars, bakugan, playmobile people, legos, rubber snakes (yes, I did find one under the bed), and an assortment of other toys that my children gifted me with. I sit here and realize that not every day will be like today. It makes me so glad that the Lord gives me just enough strength for this day. This day with all the whining and fighting. This day where I know I could have handled things better. This day where I let my children get away with too much. This day that leaves me feeling discouraged and in need of a hug. I can come before God and ask forgiveness. I can seek his wisdom to make changes to my day to make things run smoother. I can crawl into his arms and get the encouragement I need to go on. I can go to bed knowing that tomorrow I get a new day to try and bring glory and honor to a gracious and merciful God. Yes, today I made mistakes, but tomorrow is a new day and God will give me the exact amount of strength that I need to get through everything that will happen. This evening I am thankful that i can come before God and confess my sins and that he removes those sins as far as the east is from the west. So yes, today was hard but tomorrow is almost here and I get another shot to do it all over again.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Encouragement

Today was the Kids Exchange. I have been going through the kids clothes and the entire house to purge things and see what we need. I went with a specific list of things that I needed for each child. I found everything on my list. It was like the Lord went before me and allowed me to find just what I needed. I was even very close to my budget (Esther's comforter pushed me over $30.) I took Esther with me and she was such a helper. It was so encouraging to see how helpful she was. She watched Tirzah and took care of her the entire time. It was kind of funny watching people's reaction when she changed Tirzah's diaper which happened to be one of the cloth ones. It made my heart glad to see what a wonderful girl she is. That was the first way I was encouraged today. The second came in the form of a lady I do not know. While I was looking for shoes for Sam and Caleb another mother and I got to talking. She asked me what size I was looking for and I laughed and said all. With the boys in the house someone will eventually fit into them. She asked me how many kids I had and I told her. Instead of the wide eyed, open mouthed silence I normally get she responded with a big smile and told me how blessed I was. She had a little one in a sling and she told me that it was her fifth baby. We had a good conversation about the church we attend and I found out that she is one of 11 kids, 8 boys and 3 girls. It was such an encouragement to talk to someone who values children as Carl and I do. We later saw her on another isle and Esther was with me this time. She told Esther what a good big sister she was and how she was such a blessing to me. Esther's smile was huge. The third way I was encouraged today came in the form of an old friend. This friend went to our old church. She is now homeschooling her children and I am so glad. She commented that she has enjoyed reading my blogs and I was floored. I thought no one read my blog. I really have been writing just to so my kids could look back one day and have some recorded memories of growing up. I was so encouraged that the words that the Lord gives me could brighten the lives of others, especially women who are in the same stage of life as I am. Raising children is no easy task, especially if you want to do it in a way that honors and glorifies God. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our lives, the diapers and discipline and cleaning, the laundry and meals and schooling, that we forget that their are women who need our help. We all can encourage one another, even if it just saying hi and giving a smile. Sometimes it seems like I can go the whole week and not speak to another person over the age of 12, except my sweet husband. It should not be that way. Yes, our focus needs to be on raising our children and being a help meet to our husbands. Let us not forget though that we are to encourage and uplift one another. We need to seek out friendships with those who are of a like mind and reach out to those we see hurting and need Jesus. Finding that balance is something I need to work on everyday. My world is not just my kids and my house and my husband. The world is full of people who need to hear my words of encouragement just like I need to hear yours. So, if you read my blog I am praying that the ramblings of this mother in the midst of being a help meet to a pretty fantastic guy and raising eight wonderful blessings for the glory of God will bring you some encouragement and maybe a laugh or two. I pray that whatever encouragement you get here you will pass on to another soul that needs it. Look for opportunities to encourage those around you and don't just limit it to those you know. The cashier at Walmart just may need to smile. The mom you see struggling with her two year old who is screaming in Target my just need a a look that lets her know that you know how she feels and also a prayer lifted up on her behalf. That man you see in the Bojangles may just need a simple hello to make his day. Ask the Lord to send people your way that need encouragement. He will answer that prayer so be on the lookout.
I have been trying to post a picture every day this year so here is today's. Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

NC Sledding


It does not snow too often in North Carolina. This winter in particular hhas been very mild. Today it was around 70 degrees and beautiful. I kicked the kids outside and told them to find something to do. They decided to go sledding. We had bought them sleds for Christmas and they have been bummed that they have not been able to use them. We have a steep slope in the back yard that leads down to the creek. They decided to see if the sleds would work on the dirt. They were thrilled when they did! They spent the whole day taking turns. It was so cute to see the older ones helping Sam and Caleb go down the hill. At 5:30, when it finally got dark, I had to drag them in. It really made me smile to see Nathan and Esther helping Caleb up the steep slope. It was so cute. Esther and Sam would go down with their arms wrapped around one another. It was good to see them working and playing together. Sometimes they act like they really hate each other. Today though I was able to see that they do enjoy being in the same family. What a joy to see them together. I am truly blessed.

Monday, January 16, 2012

PRIVACY!


In a house full of 10 people it is very hard to find some privacy. In our house of seven males and three females the bathroom is not even a sacred place (unless you lock the door and not even then due to the incessant banging that takes place.) There is no way for the kids to have their own rooms. Can you imagine how much space 9 bedrooms would take up? We were rearranging the bedrooms this weekend and Alex, who is turning 13 next month, requested some space of his own. Every available space in this house is occupied with someone of something. The kids have their fort outside but the weather is too cold for them to go out and play for long periods of time. I came up with a pretty creative solution for Alex. I told him that I would make some sort of partition for his bottom bunk. I had some left over fabric from some Christmas projects and he and I sewed (yes, boys can sew too). He had so much fun making the panels. We made them so he could tie them to the upper bunk. He is able to climb in and out of bed and them pull the panels closed so he has some semblance of privacy. He is so excited and now all the kids want me to make them for their beds. I don't mind except the upper bunks are going to prove challenging. Oh well. It was awesome to see how excited he got over that little bit of space he can completely call his own. He is getting older and I realize that he needs that space just for him. I can't believe that in 5 short years that he will be 18. That is a sobering thought when I think of all the things I still want to teach him. He is such a precious boy who has such a sensitive spirit. He has been struggling the last few years but I see him finally starting to mature and move into a new stage of his life. I pray daily that the Lord would use him greatly. I pray that God would be the major priority of his life and that he draw closer to Him. I love you Alex!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Not a Sick Day but a Sick Week



This week has not been what I expected. I think I know why the Lord gave me two extra hours of sleep on Sunday. He knew that I would need it this week. Caleb has been recovering from an ear infection he had last week. He has been very cranky. Esther started to feel bad on Sunday right in the middle of church. She had a fever and a headache. Tirzah started feeling bad that night. She had a high fever and was generally feeling very cranky, which is not like her. We were able to get some clean up and school done on Monday. Tuesday was a sick day because Tirzah was at the doctor's and was fussy. All she wanted to do was be held. Monday night Sam had a fever and headache and slept in our room. He and Tirzah did not get up until almost 10:30 in the morning. Tirzah was horrible on Tuesday. She would not eat and was starting to get dehydrated. She did not have any wet diapers all day. I took her back to the doctor on Tuesday evening. She finally started to nurse Tuesday night, all night. I got hardy any sleep. Wednesday all Tirzah wanted to do was nurse and sleep, in my arms. I laid on the couch all day with her. I did not feel well either. I was so tired from being up all night with the sick kids. In the midst of all this William got sick with the same thing. Alex was also dealing with pink eye along with Sam. I was at the doctor this morning with Alex because with the eye drops he was actually getting worse. They prescribed a stronger eye drop for him because he is in such pain. I have been at the doctor's Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. I am exhausted and stressed out. We have been doing nothing but laying around and watching television. I pray that I don't get sick along with the kids. Everyone seems to be on the mend now. I now that Lord has a plan for everything even all that has occurred this week. The grandiose plans I had for organizing the house and doing school went out the window this week. I guess I just needed a break this week along with everyone else. I have had my moments this week that have not been ones I want people to witness. I have been stressed out and exhausted from not sleeping well all this week. The Lord has been working on my heart this week in the midst of all the sickness. He has been revealing areas I need to work on that I thought I had been doing well in. I need to be in the word more and seeking His guidance.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A Problem I Can't Fix and One I Can

Having sick little ones is always so draining for me. Especially when there is really nothing I can do. Caleb had a fever and ear infection last week. Esther has had a headache and fever since church on Sunday. Tirzah has had a swollen eye and an ear infection too. Sam put himself to bed last night because he did not feel well. Tirzah did not sleep well last night and really did not get to sleep until after 1. She woke up at 5 with a very high fever. We gave her medicine only to have her throw it all up and everything she ate last night. She is finally asleep again after a cool bath. Sam is also in our room sleeping after he woke at 5:30 and needed medicine. There are a few others who feel warm to me as I walked in every room to check on them. It is going to be a jammy day at the Trautman house today as I am exhausted already and it is not even 7:00 in the morning. Please pray for my little guys, especially Tirzah who seems to be the worst.
It got me to thinking though as I lay awake last night trying to console Tirzah. This is a sickness that I just need to let run its course. I can only treat the symptoms. I can't make them well or take this away from them as much as I want to. It hurts to see them suffer. It breaks my heart. But, there is a problem that I can help them fix. There is a cure for their sin problem. They are born with a sin nature that is sending them to hell as a punishment. But I know the cure and I need to teach them what it is. As much as we mothers want our children be healed when they are sick we should want them to fix their sin problem more. We have a cure for that and his name is Jesus. Am I on my knees seeking the Lord on how to guide them to Him as much as I pray for healing when they are physically sick.? Do I spend as much time and effort on teaching them who Jesus is as I am on healing them when they have a virus and don't feel well physically? Their physical sicknesses are draining and bothersome but what will I do if I lose them to the world? Now, I know that it their own personal decision to accept Christ but I should be putting more effort into their spiritual well being than I do into their physical well being. Can I say at the end of the day that I am exhausted from trying to lead them to a spiritual cure? If not then I am not doing my job as a mother. I need to be exhausted from being on my knees interceeding for my children. I need to be exhausted from reading the Bible in preparation for dealing with the problems they may have. I need to be exhausted from learning ways to bring them to the Lord. I need to be exhausted from spending time with them and teaching them who He is. Yes, I am tired from taking care of their sick bodies but I need to be more tired from taking care of their spiritual well being.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

A Day of Rest


Our family has literally been running since Thanksgiving. We have gone from Maryland and back and then to Virginia and back. We have visited Carl's parents, my sister, my parents, and numerous families from church. With a nursing infant I don't get too much uninterupted sleep to begin with. Tirzah likes to sleep snuggled up right next to me which is great for her but bad for my back. While at church today Esther got a headache. She came home and I gave her some medicine. She went and took a nap. Caleb took his regular afternoon nap. I had every intention of working in the garage to get it back to where Carl can put his car in. I went upstairs to change from my church clothes into more comfortable clothes. I guess they were too comfortable because I laid down on the bed for just a moment. The next thing I knew I woke up two hours later. My wonderful husband had taken Tirzah and "convinced" her to take a nap on the couch with him. I heard nothing from the kids or Carl. I guess my body needed to rest. Once I got up we had a leisurly dinner of leftovers or whatever the kids wanted to fix (within reason - Esther wanted me to make pancakes - I said NO). We watched the old version of Cheaper by the Dozen (a very appropriate movie for our family). My house is not going to implode just because it is a mess this evening. It is okay to rest once in a while. I know why the Lord put a day of rest in place. Sometimes as mother's though it seems like on those days of rest that we are the busiest. I have to find church shoes for eight kids. Make sure everything is ironed. Make sure the van is packed with the diaper bag. Make sure the bible bag is stocked with things to keep little ones occupied during church (we have no church nursery). I also have to prepare a meal for after church as we have a pot luck dinner after church every Sunday. I need to pack play clothes for some of the kids who want to change after church. I also need to get myself ready and nurse Tirzah. This is all before 9:00 when we have to leave for church. Oh, did I mention I need to feed everyone breakfast too. It is just the normal Sunday things a mom needs to do. I like to be productive when we get home because Carl and I don't have much time during the week to get things done. Sometimes though the Lord knows what we need even when we don't. He knew that today I needed an extra two hours of sleep. He is such a wonderful God to give us not what we want, but what we need. Oh what a wonderful Savior is he.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

At the End of My Days

Carl and I attended the funeral of a co-worker of his today. He was a good friend to Carl and had known for quite some time that he was dying of cancer. Funerals always either depress me or encourage me. This one was an encouraging one because Carl and I truly believe that this man was saved and is now in heaven. It was amazing to see his son get up and talk about the man he was, especially as a father. It got me to thinking what will be said at my funeral. Will my children recall that I always kept a clean house? Will they say that I yelled at them a lot? Will they say that they had no fun growing up? Or will they say that I was kind and compassionate? That I always made them feel loved. That I made growing up fun. That I was joyful and always giving thanks to God. What will my children say at my funeral? I want them to remember that I made them each feel special and taught them the way to the Lord. I need to be reminded every once in while that my life is more than getting through each day. My goal should be what my children and grandchildren will say at the end of all my days. When I go to stand before my Lord what will my legacy be? Will it be a legacy that honors God and brings glory to his name? That is my goal. At the end of my days I want all the glory to go God.


This picture was taken in 2010 but it just expressed how I want my children to remember how they were raised. I love the simple joy of this photo.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Protectors

Today was not a good day for the littles around here. Caleb is still in pain from his ear infection so he spent the entire day crying. Sam and Daniel would play nice for a while and then mutiny would occur. I spent the day going from Caleb to Daniel to Sam. I lost count at the times I had to put the helmets and weapons back on lego figures (curse you lego company for making those little arms that want to pop off). Daniel had been playing outside with Esther for a little while (I was able to get a little break in the middle of the day). When he came in the house he threw his shoes on the floor. Now mind you, where he threw them was right in front of the shoe cubbies. I told him to put them away and he got mad at me and told me that William was supposed to put his shoes away (why William was responsible I am still trying to figure out.) He picked up his shoes and made a motion to throw one at me. Big no no. I was shocked but what happened next floored me. Alex was watching this all unfold. I watched him walk over to me, cross his arms and stand right in front of me looking at Daniel. He just stood there glaring at Daniel. Next thing I know Nathan comes over and joins him. So here I have Daniel with a shoe in his hand ready to launch it at me and two big boys standing in the way so that I am completely protected. I did not know what to say. Daniel got the message real quick and while still looking at his brothers with a look of astonishment on his face he slowly backed up and put his shoes in his box. I was speechless for a second but then went over and told Alex and NAthan thank you. I felt so proud of my protectors. I still tear up writing this. I hope that all my boys will be protectors for all their lives. May they never lose the desire to want to watch out for the women in their lives.

Here are a few photos from the day.



Thursday, January 5, 2012

My Favorite Picture of the Day


I have been trying to post on Facebook at least one pitcure a day. I want to chronicle my life and that of my children. I have gotten in the habit of keeping the camera with me at all times. I have caught some really cute pictures of the kids, especially Tirzah. This evening, after I posted to Facebook, I took one more picture. It has to be my favorite that I have taken so far. It makes me smile the most. If you can't tell, William is reading his Bible. He has been reading it every night for quite some time now and it always makes me glad when I walk by his room and see it. It makes all the frustrating moments with my children worth it.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Good for a mother's heart

The other night I took Esther with me grocery shopping. Tirzah, Esther, and I had a great time of finding deals and dinner with just my girls. On the way home I had Pandora playing on my phone. I love to sing along with the songs. One of my favorite songs came on. It is Blessed by Laura Story. I kept hearing something as I was singing and it was not me or Laura Story. It finally dawned on me that the sweet noise I heard was my beautiful daughter singing along with every word in a sweet soprano voice that was in perfect key. I think that was an indication that I have listened to this song way to much. I had to stop singing because I started to cry. The next song came on and she sang along with that song too. It just encouraged me that our children are listening when we don't think they are.

I love Homeschooling


Sam wanted Tirzah to play with his power ranger toy. She was more interested in her pacifier. She is learning how to put it in her mouth herself.


This picture was just too cute not to post.


Esther started out just reading a book to Tirzah. The younger boys did not want to be left out.



This particular picture may be framed. I don't keep all the kids drawings. If I did my house would be overrun with nothing but paper. This one is a keeper though.


These were some things I caught going on during our first day back to school after the holiday.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Mommy in Training


Esther is such a little helper. She has really taken momma training to heart. When we found out Tirzah was a girl Esther was so excited to finally have a buddy. At times she protests the things I ask her to do but overall she is eager to help. She can change a cloth diaper like a pro. Getting her buckled in her seat is her regular job. She holds her like she has been taking care of babies for years. It is such a joy to see her wanting to take care of her and start her training to be a momma some day herself.