Down Memory Lane - November 30, 2013

Today I took a walk down memory lane. I grew up in Edgewater, Maryland. I always tell people I grew up in Annapolis because it is a town most people are familar with and the towns are close. I spent a lot of time in Annapolis growing up. We went to Navy games and the fireworks when they were held at the stadium. We walked the grounds of the Naval Academy when you did not need id's to get on. We went to the Christmas boat parade every year and froze. We watched the firewoks at the Naval Academy when they were moved there. We walked past the state house many times and every year we took a field trip there in school. We ate at the Market House and Storm Brothers and our favorite, Chick and Ruth's. We watched them dig up the bricks on Main Street and saw the archeologic dig that went on due to the abundance of colonial items they found undernearth. As we got older, us girls would watch the midshipmen with girlish delight and wonder what it be like to date one.  Each of us girls ended up dating a midshipman at some point. Two of us got our hearts broken and one found the love of her life. We danced at the Academy and watched so many sporting events that I cannot count them. Anyone remember rolling down the hill at the Navy games? We also watched hockey, lacrosse, soccer, and track. So many memories. This trip up to Maryland I decided I wanted to take a trip back. We went to today and some things have changed but others have not. We went to the place I used to work and although bigger, it is much the same. The manager that was there when us girls worked is still there and remembered us. We had a great time catching up and the boys spent about and hour looking at all the souveners and picking out the ones they wanted. It was awesome to see Kathy again and catch up. We took the boys to Chick and Ruth's delly for lunch. Yes, that is the way it is spelled. They were skeptical at first. When we got in though it was exactly the same. The paint color, the pictures and articles on the wall, the layout, the wall of sandwiches, the names of the sandwiches, and Uncle Teddy. He actually remembered us girls. Isn' t that amazing? He was still talking to the customers at every table and making the patrons smile by doing magic tricks. Yes, it was more crowded but the food and atmosphere were the same. I shook Uncle Teddy's hand on the way out and told him to never change. I want to bring my grandkids back some day. From there we walked up to the state house and around state circle and then on to the academy. This is where I saw the most change. Fences and securtiy and special entracnes and metal detectors. It was dreary and run down. There were weeds everywhere and peeling paint and holes in the road. It just was not the same. The whole place just had a depressed feeling. It might have been because it was just a dreary day and the midshipmen are all at home. It just was not the same. I don't know why. I told the boys that it was a lot different than when I grew up. I think they had fun anyway. They were shocked at the amount of effort it takes to go to one of the military academys. I think it was good for them to see how important a good education is. All in all, I had a fabulous day and so did they. The day ended as we sat in the Starbucks and looked out at the lights coming on all over town. It was a wonderful walk down memory lane and I built some new memories with my older boys. I hope to go back soon with the other kids before the town changes too much. I hope it never does. Annapolis will always hold a special place in my heart.

On Our Way - November 27, 2013

We are offically on our way to our annual trip up to Maryland to celebrate Thanksgiving with Carl's family. The kids are very excited to see their cousi. Alex tried to smuggle some swords and guns in the van. I had to remove them because there was not enough room for much. Who would ever think that a 15 passenger van would be too small. When you have ten people and car seats and stuff for a several day vacation, space gets taken up very fast. But we are on our way. Yeah. 

Today was Carl's last day at work. I was dreading this day. I wished and prayed that somethings would happen to make to not come. i prayed that his bosses would reconsider and change their minds. I thought that I would be crying and upset all day. I really was not loking forward to it. Today dawned and I had such an overwhleming peace about it. Honestly, it was mid mornign before I even realized that this was th day. I was busy and peaceful. I actually laughed more today and was calmer with the kids. The Lord just opened His arms up and held me there today. I was enveloped in such amazing peace and grace. Yes, I did get frustrated with several situations today. They mostly had to do with dowloading movies that I had purchased. I did not handle it well. I did ask forgiveness and moved on and again the peace moved in and enveloped me. I am so thankful that God in His infinite wisdom gave me peace today on a day where I expected sorrow. I know The Lord has wonderful things in store for our family.

Rain, Rain, Go Away - November 26, 2013

I know we need the rain. I know that we are very blessed to get rain today as it has not rained in a  while. As a mother to 8 children, I dislike rainy days. My energetic boys spend a lot of time outside. When ever they get loud and rambunctious I normally send them outside to jump on the trampoline or play in the backyard. They love it and they come inside calmer and able to focus and listen more. Today it rained all day long. A steady rain with no let up. I had to pack for our trip to Maryland so I was busy putting together socks, and sorting laundry, and folding laundry, and packing bags, and getting together snacks and medicine. Stuck right in the middle of all of this was a doctor's appontiment for Alex. He had his final wound check for his infection. It went well and I was so proud of him. The kids were good but there are 8 of them and only one of me. Today was one of those days where my older ones just wanted to play. It was like pulling teeth to get them to do anything. They did not want to clean out the van or help with laundry or really do anything. The little boys were just being little boys. It is not that they were bad. They were just being energetic in a house where there is not a lot of room to play. I finally got all the packing done despite four older children with pouty bad attitudes. I had reached my limit of noise and whining and fighting and wrestling and play by play of the video game and the interesting facts about Lord of the Rings that my older boys kept telling me. I am a Lord of the Rings fan but I really do not need to know that the actors greeted each other with head buts while they were filming. I had really had it and to be honest the last half of the day was not a good one for me as a mother. I yelled more than I should have and got very frustrated with my children. I am sorry to say that dinner was not pretty. I was upset of plans being changed due to weather and the fact that I now have to keep the kids occupied for one more full day while it is raining outside. Can you here me sigh? At least all the packing is done. TOmorrrow I plan to do more playing with them and things to keep them occupied. They were just bored today and a bored child, as any mother knows, can get into a heap of trouble.  Tomorrow sounds like a good day for some snuggle time and stories and building some relationships with my chidlren. I am so glad that I have a God that forgives us when we fall. I am so glad that I have chidlren who forgive their mother when she goes off the deep end for a little while. Our God is amazing and His mercies are new every morning. For that, this day, I am so thankful.

Coming out of the Pit - November 25, 2013

Oh my. What a roller coaster our family has been on the past few months.

To be honest, I have walked away from The Lord these past few months. It was not intentional and not all at once. I just simply found myself in a stiuation where it was easier to make excuses than to work on my relationship with The Lord. It was easier to sleep in in the morning. It was easier to watch things on my IPad at night. It was just easier to think that everything was fine. I knew it wasn't. Carl knew it wasn't. The kids knew it wasn't. I really don't think I was fooling anyone. Is that not how it normaly is? We think that we are hiding our inmost fears and failures but in reality those who are closest to us and love us the most know. No matter how hard we try to hide our struggles we cannot. And trying to hide them from God is impossible. We may think we are but we are not. No matter how far we run from God, He pursues us and pricks our hearts. We wind up feeling empty and lost and depressed and angry and foolish and guilty and tired and just ... broken. And in that place when we are so broken that it seems like we cannot take another breath. That place when it seems like we do not have another tear to cry. That place when we are shattered beyond any recognition of our former self. That is the place where God steps in and takes back control. That is when he shows us that he holds every tear in the palm of his hands. That is when he shows us that he is bigger than anything that we are going through.  That is when he takes us in his arms and allows us to breathe again. That is the place that I discovered last night. I have been there before at other times in my life but this time it was sweeter for some reason. It was joyful and awesome and ... there are almost no words to describe it. It was just ... a magnificent place of grace and mercy. All day today I have just been singing and praising God. It has been a long time coming and it felt so good. Will i struggle again? You betcha. Will I need to remind myself of how this feels every day? Absolutely. Will the hard times end? Probably not. But I know that God is bigger than anything I am going through. He was the one who ordained it and He is the one who can give me the strength to come out the other side stronger and more like Him. Because if I do become more like Him through the struggles, then, it will be worth every tear and heartache. More later on these past few months.