AHHHHHH!

I opened the garage door this morning only to be met with an awful smell. It smelled like a sewer. I immediately knew what happened. Alex went to the freezer and got some meat out for a meal and left the door open to the freezer. That was Saturday night. The four hottest days of the year did a number on the very full freezer. We lost everything. I called my mom in tears. I knew there was no way I could get it all cleaned up by myself. She graciously came over to help me clean up the awful mess in the garage. We ended up throwing away three bags of food and three bags of clothes (donations that had been sitting next to the freezer.) I almost cried as I threw it all away. After my mom and I cleaned up the best we could we went to the grocery store. I still smell like bleach but at least I have food for the next couple days. Alex was afraid I would be upset with him but it was a complete accident. All of this happened on the day that Sam's speech coordinator was to come over the house. She arrived to kids eating lunch while watching a movie, Sam with his shirt off (chicken salad and yogurt do not mix well together), and a very frustrated mommy (this was all before my mom got there.) I wonder what the Lord wants me to learn from all this. Probably more patience and compassion for a very upset Alex (he felt so bad when I cried). Alex is getting real lessons in responsibility as this is the second time in a week that he has caused damage to property (he broke the side mirror on our van in a fit of anger.) At least this time I knew it was not done on purpose. I also think the Lord is trying to teach me that well laid plans sometimes need to be broken. This week we started school and today we only got through three subjects, one of them being Bible where we learned about compassion. Oh, well. At least my freezer is now clean and the garage floor has been bleached.

It's Been A While

I am still here. Just busy. Having a newborn and 6 others to take care of is a 24 hour job. Caleb is sleeping through the night on his own now. For the first few weeks he slept snuggled right next to me (not that I minded having him close). Not Carl. Me. I had about 5 inches of bed with Caleb right next to me and Carl had the rest of our KING size bed.
I have been busy getting ready for the school year. Thanks to mom Trautman, who watched the kids for 2 weeks, my house is much more organized and less cluttered. I do intend on getting some pictures up and finish Caleb birth story. I just wanted people to know that I am still here. Tired but here.

Noah Miller

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. I got a shocking e-mail this morning. A young couple in our church woke Tuesday morning and found that their 18 month old son Noah had passed away sometime in the night. They have no idea what caused his death. Please pray for this young couple as they deal with this loss. They also have a newborn. Luke is about 2-3 months old. Please pray for this family, Brooke and John Miller. Hold your children a little longer and give them extra kisses today as we don't know what tomorrow holds. As I sit here holding Caleb as he sleeps peacefully I am thankful for each moment with him and each one of my children. Please pray for this young family that God would give them strength and peace.

Caleb's Story

I wanted to get this all down before I forgot the details. Some people may be wondering why I chose to have a c-section after six natural deliveries. I have already had some people question my decision. I wanted to give the details of his birth to explain what was going and so that I can look back later and know that the decision I made was from the Lord.
With all the flipping around that Caleb did from Thursday when I had the ultra sound until Monday when we went in the be induced I was tired and stressed. When we dropped the kids off on Sunday night I could tell that my mom was worn out already. She is getting weaker and weaker each day. I was extremely stressed over her watching the kids for a few days. When we went in for the induction I was a tight 2cm and the head was still floating (+3 station). That made me discouraged right from the start. The piton started and the contraction began in earnest about an hour later. I labored all day until about 10:00 when the midwife came in to check me. To her amazement and mine I was now an even tighter 2 cm and she could not even touch Caleb's head at all. He had moved back up away from my cervix. Needless to say I was extremely disappointed. I cried a lot. My midwife decided to turn off the pitocin and let me eat and rest. She put in a Foley Bulb to help put pressure on my cervix. She said it would probably fall out in the middle of the night as it is designed to come out when you reach 3-4 cm. I was given a sleeping pill and I was able to sleep for about 3 hours. Around 4:oo I woke up and could not get back to sleep. I had no peace about going back on the pitocin. I prayed for several hours and just felt the Lord leading me to have a c-section. That is very unusual for me as I have had six natural childbirths. I just could not get Sam's birth out of my head. I remember his blue face and the tone in the room going from its time to push him out to you need to push this child out RIGHT NOW! I remember Carl and Susan yelling at me to push. I know everything worked out in that case but I have been nervous this whole pregnancy. I just had a feeling that I was supposed to have a c-section this time. Well, Caleb is crying and needs to eat again. He is a champion nurser. I will post more of the story in a later post.

A new Member to the Family

Caleb Asher Trautman was born June 2, 2009 at 8:32 in the morning. Most of you probably already know this. He was 9 lbs. 3 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He has lots of black hair and looks like Carl. I will post the birth story later as I took two pain pills and they are kicking in. A c-section is much different than natural childbirth.

Update

Well, we had an answer to prayer. Caleb decided to flip into the proper position sometime between the ultrasound yesterday and the one today. They had me all ready for surgery. I had an IV put in and fluids and everything. It was about time for the surgery when they came in a did the ultrasound. His head was down and no c-section. Honestly, I lost it. I started crying uncontrollably. I had my heart all prepared for the surgery and I was at peace and then wham, more waiting. My induction was scheduled for Wednesday but they were trying to convince me to have it done today. They started listing all the risks if the baby turns again and I go into labor. They were scaring me a bit. My ever wise husband was there like a rock with gentle advice. He said that I was tired (from not sleeping last night), stressed (from my mom and being overdue), and very hungry (not eating since last night around midnight.) He suggested we just go home and rest and try to see what happens. We compromised and scheduled an induction on Monday morning. Caleb's heart rate and movement was fine while I was monitored this morning and the fluid levels were good so they agreed to wait until Monday. Carl and I went to the mall and walked around for about an hour and then picked up the kids. Daniel looked at me and said "Where is Asher Caleb? I want to see him." He is so cute when he says the name reversed. It just made my day to see all my little ones again. I missed them. Yes, I am disappointed to not be holding my newest little one but God is in control and his timing is perfect. I need to trust Caleb into God's capable arms knowing that he will protect him. My worry does nothing but lead to more worry which is sin. Carl has been great through the whole thing. He has made me laugh all day (especially about our anti-large family grumpy nurse who told us flat out that God has nothing to do with making babies)and cry sometimes too with his reassuring arms around me. He has been praying with me all day that the Lord would just ease my worries and give me peace. Pray that I will go into labor on my own and soon. But if not pray that the induction would be a quick one and not two days like Daniel's and Alex's. Pray for my mom too. She was not feeling well at all today. When we left her house around 7:00. She said she was going to take a bath and go to bed. Highly unusual for her as she and my dad like to stay up watching television. Thank you all for your prayers that you have lifted up on behalf of me and Caleb. I just can't wait to hold him and have you all meet him.

Worried Ramblings of An Overdue Mom

Okay, it is now 4:38 in the morning and I am wide awake and have been since about 3:00. I have gotten only about 2 hours of sleep. I am so tired right now but worry is getting the better of me. I am worried that I will go in tomorrow and have to have the C-section. I am also worried that I will go in tomorrow and not have it. Weird, I know. My fear is that something is wrong with the Caleb. I cannot stand another 6 days of waiting for my induction if he has turned and I don't have the c-section done tomorrow. I want to meet my baby now! I want him on the outside so I can touch and feel him. I am so worried that something is wrong with the cord. I don't know if it is Satan just attacking my thoughts or a mother's intuition that something is really wrong. It does not help that Caleb is moving non-stop tonight and I can't find a comfortable position. I have so many thoughts running through my head right now that I literally cannot relax enough to get to sleep. I am sitting in the floor of our loft because I want Carl to get some sleep. He needs it. My mom has the boys and Esther and that is another worry. She is getting weaker and weaker and I know having all the kids is a strain on her. I know the Lord is in control and I keep telling myself that his plan is perfect. I know that he will give me the strength to handle whatever happens tomorrow or the next day. I just am ready to meet this boy and can't stand the thought of going to the hospital and then coming home tomorrow and having to wait and worry for my induction on Wednesday. I know that Carl has work to do but I need him so much right now and I know that if I do not have the c-section tomorrow that he will need to go to work Friday and Saturday and also Monday and Tuesday. That leaves me with six kids, a messy house, and the worrying over Caleb. I cannot help the worrying. I know it is sin. I know God is in control but I still worry. It makes me want to cry because I just want to hold him so bad. All the things that could go wrong keep running through my head. I wish I could just shut off my brain and get some sleep. I wish I could just crawl into bed and relax but every time I do Caleb moves and I start to worry. Is everything okay in there? What if he stops moving? What if the cord is too short like Alex? What is it gets kinked or wrapped around his neck? The what ifs are winning the spiritual battle in my mind right now! I know Satan wants to have me fearful and discouraged. I know that it is his goal to take my joy away right now. I need to just cast all my cares upon the Lord but sometimes that is easier said than done. And right now is one of those times when ir is hard.