Memory for Today - Out of my sight

We attended a family bible study on Friday night. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. They started with a sword drill for the kids. Then they went into an hour and half long discussion on 2 Timothy. I think we got through 3 verses. The kids were all present and they outnumbered the adults. It was incredible. After the bible study the kids all gathered in the kitchen for Bible charades while the parents had a time of prayer. Then the kids came back in and performed their charade for us. We had to figure out what they were acting out. It was a blast. Then we had a great time of fellowship with the kids playing together and the parents just talking. It was great to talk to a bunch of other homeschool moms who experience the same thing I do every day in raising a large family. The one lady I spent most of the evening speaking to has 11 kids, the youngest having down syndrome. The other woman, whose home we were meeting in, has 8.
My memory for today actually came from Caleb. Making the transition to a family integrated church has been a challenge with Sam and Caleb. They have spent their entire lives going into the nursery and this church has none. Caleb was very sleepy and was just not being quiet. I was almost in tears when our gracious host came out to me and offered to set up a playpen for him in one of the bedrooms. I did not know how that was going to work because we forgot his pacifier at home. He did not settle down at first so I went to the room and just stood by the playpen rubbing his back. I then moved to the middle of the floor. Then I moved to the doorway. He was awake the entire time just watching me. I then went around the corner. The first time he could not see me he started crying. I just moved where he could see me and he settled down. I guess as long as he knew I was there he was content. As I am in this dark room a thought occurred to me. This is like our relationship with Christ. I need to get to the point that when I find myself walking away from the Lord I need to cry out. When I can't see God I need to cry out. I need to have him within my sights at all times. There have been times in my life when I have walked away not because of rebellion but because of laziness, apathy, or just busyness. In those times I need to cry out to God and look for him and seek him until I can see him again. It took that moment in that dark room with Caleb to remember that I need to work at walking close to God. It just doesn't happen. It takes effort and a lot of prayer.

Memory for today - Boy of Girl?

I had my ultrasound today. I was excited but did not want to get my hopes up. I did that with Caleb and ended up crying in the ultrasound room. This time I was prepared. I did not think too much about the whole boy or girl thing. I have been praying for girl for a long time but was trying to prepare myself for a boy too. I knew that whatever it was that it was God's perfect plan. I had been preparing Esther by saying to her that "God never says oops." I had promised her that when we found out that we would buy an outfit and let her open the gift to discover the sex of the baby. We found out and bought an outfit and wrapped it up in a bag. We got home and of course all the kids were so excited. Esther sat down and opened the gift and started screaming. We had wrapped a beautiful pink dress in blue tissue paper. It's a girl. Everyone just started yelling. My mom and dad were crying especially when Esther started crying and laughing at the same time. It was hilarious. We were all excited and a little bit shocked. I had wanted a girl but had been prepared for a boy. In the ultrasound room we were talking to the technician about how many boys we had. She said "Well, looks very girlie." Carl and I were silent for a second. She said it so softly that I was afraid I had heard her wrong. We looked at each other and said "What?" She assured us the baby really is a girl. Just as the boys were very clear in the ultrasound this little one was very clearly a girl. There was a concern they had. The kidneys were dilated a little off. One was dilated too much and the other was not dilated enough. I have to go back at 26 weeks for another ultrasound. I am trying not to worry about it especially since the doctor said this particular problem is an indication for downs syndrome. I am not even going to do research on it as I do not need any more stress right now. She was really pushing us to get some testing done but Carl and I are just trusting the Lord that his plan for this little girl is perfect. I am instead concentrating on buying a new wardrobe that is all pink and purple as everything I own is for little boys.

Memory for Today - Orion

The kids were in the van the other day and a funny thing happened. We were driving back at night from some place (I can't remember where). The kids were looking out the window and one of them spotted the constellation Orion. It is my favorite one and the boy's too as it is a soldier with a sword. They look for it every night. This night they were commenting on it and Sam said in all seriousness "No, I don't see Uncle Ryan." It took us all a minute to realize what he was saying and then the whole car busted out in laughter. He really thought we had said Uncle Ryan. I think that is going to be Uncle Ryan's new nickname. For those NC people, Ryan is Carl's youngest brother. The kids think he is way cool becuase he is single and also a soldier. He loves to play with the kids and they love him. So Ryan, if you hear one of the kids call you Orion, you will know why.

Memory for Today - The Tissue

Today was not a good day at church. Carl had drill this weekend. He comes home at night but he is gone during the day. Carl requested that I go to the family integrated church we have been visiting the past two weeks. I was a little stressed going by myself. The little ones are not used to staying out during the service. They have done okay the past two weeks because Carl and I would tag team them. This week though they were horrible. The service preaching last a full hour with singing after that and then a sharing time that sometimes takes an hour. Then we have communion time and prayer. It is a long service and Sam, Caleb, and Daniel had had it about half way through. The other ladies in the church were helpful as much as they could but I decided to leave right during the sharing time. Caleb was screaming and Daniel and Sam were yelling at each other. We normally have a potluck lunch afterwards. The older ones, who had been so well behaved the entire time, were very good about leaving early once I promised them lunch out. Once I got all the kids buckled in the car and was on the road I completely broke down in tears. I was stressed from being in a new situation with people I did not know very well and from trying to keep three little ones quiet for two hours. I was on the phone with Carl crying and telling him that the plan did not go so well. I was sobbing when Alex, who is sitting up front now that he is twelve, quietly called my name. I glanced over he was holding out a tissue to me with a smile on his face. It was so sweet and made me cry harder. Now, the kids are fed, little ones are down for a nap, and the older ones are watching a movie. I think I will lie on the sofa and take a much needed nap. I was amazed though that I had so many women in the church come up and offer me help. As I was leaving I had two women run after me telling me to please come back and not be discouraged. Each one of them had been where I am with little ones. They were so encouraging and it felt good to be around women like that. I guess it did not hurt that the message this morning was all about Jesus comforting us in our lives and then comforting those around us as well that we see struggling. This is the was church should be. Fellow believers encouraging one another and mutually growing together.

Memory For Today - My 12 Year old Boy

Alex turned twelve yesterday. He has been really struggling these past few months. He has been testing his boundaries and wanting more and more independence. It is tough because he so wants to be a teenager but he still wants to be a kid. Last year his birthday was not that great. We had some things come up that we could not make it a big celebration. Carl and I really wanted to make sure that this year he felt special. Sometimes being the oldest he doesn't feel special. We started last weekend by going to the aquarium and then a really nice dinner (Cracker Barrel). He had a great time. We had to do it last weekend because Carl has drill the next two weekends. We spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at my mom's house and he got to go out with my mom to Toys R Us. She always takes them and lets them pick out a present. I met her at Chuck E Cheeses with all the other kids and they had a great time. There was no one there because we went while school was in. We then ordered his favorite food for dinner and had an ice cream cake. Carl came down and spent the night and we all had a great time. Carl and Alex have been really struggling lately and there is a lot of healing that needs to occur. Carl decided to take him out on his actual birthday. He got off work early and he and Alex went to Golden Corral for dinner. That is Alex's favorite place to eat. He also requested to go to Frankie's which is like a big kid version of Chuck E Cheeses (only more expensive). Alex wanted to ride the go-carts but they were closed. They had a great time playing games. While playing one game (that Carl had paid $4 to play) Alex said he did not want to play any more. Carl was curious and asked why. Alex said he was uncomfortable with the way that the women in the game were dressed and how they were dancing around. Carl was impressed at the maturity level to recognize this. I was very proud when Carl related the incident to me. Carl also said that at one point Alex looked at him and said that they had done all the things he wanted to do and was there anything that Carl wanted to do there. Again Carl and I were impressed. He is such a sweet boy and I really see him maturing. He is right at that age where things move from little boy to mature young man. I think going out with just Carl went a really long way to heal their relationship. The greatest gift I gave Alex this year was making sure that his time was Carl was a priority. Just a side note to this post about my boy growing up. Carl and Alex stopped by the mall last night and Alex got a build a bear wolf dressed in a Harley Davidson outfit. I guess he is still my "boy" for a little while.