Coming out of the Pit - November 25, 2013

Oh my. What a roller coaster our family has been on the past few months.

To be honest, I have walked away from The Lord these past few months. It was not intentional and not all at once. I just simply found myself in a stiuation where it was easier to make excuses than to work on my relationship with The Lord. It was easier to sleep in in the morning. It was easier to watch things on my IPad at night. It was just easier to think that everything was fine. I knew it wasn't. Carl knew it wasn't. The kids knew it wasn't. I really don't think I was fooling anyone. Is that not how it normaly is? We think that we are hiding our inmost fears and failures but in reality those who are closest to us and love us the most know. No matter how hard we try to hide our struggles we cannot. And trying to hide them from God is impossible. We may think we are but we are not. No matter how far we run from God, He pursues us and pricks our hearts. We wind up feeling empty and lost and depressed and angry and foolish and guilty and tired and just ... broken. And in that place when we are so broken that it seems like we cannot take another breath. That place when it seems like we do not have another tear to cry. That place when we are shattered beyond any recognition of our former self. That is the place where God steps in and takes back control. That is when he shows us that he holds every tear in the palm of his hands. That is when he shows us that he is bigger than anything that we are going through.  That is when he takes us in his arms and allows us to breathe again. That is the place that I discovered last night. I have been there before at other times in my life but this time it was sweeter for some reason. It was joyful and awesome and ... there are almost no words to describe it. It was just ... a magnificent place of grace and mercy. All day today I have just been singing and praising God. It has been a long time coming and it felt so good. Will i struggle again? You betcha. Will I need to remind myself of how this feels every day? Absolutely. Will the hard times end? Probably not. But I know that God is bigger than anything I am going through. He was the one who ordained it and He is the one who can give me the strength to come out the other side stronger and more like Him. Because if I do become more like Him through the struggles, then, it will be worth every tear and heartache. More later on these past few months.