A Pleasant Blessing

Tirzah Grace Trautman entered this world one week ago today. Her name literally means a pleasant blessing and she is. She was born via c-section (my 2nd). We chose a c-section for many reasons and I do not regret my decision. With the timing of her estimated delivery and the logistics of getting seven kids where they needed to go it was just the better decision. She is doing well. She had an ultrasound in the hospital that confirmed mild to moderate hydronephrosis (or enlarged kidneys). They found that her left kidney is enlarged. They are going to do another ultrasound next Friday and from that will determine what they need to do. Pray that the kidney will be normal size by then. She also had some issues with her bili levels but they let us go home. I was so ready to leave the hospital. She is a great nurser and sleeper. She actually slept 5 hours last night. Good girl. She is truly a miracle and I love holding her and the boys and Esther can't stay away. I am constantly shooing them out of my room where I have been for the past week. This time around I was experiencing extreme pain on the left side of my incision. I could only tolerate moving a little and could not get off the pain medication. I called the doctor in tears yesterday and they got me in today. They looked at the incision and found that the nurse who took my staples out and put the steri stripes did a poor job. They ended up having to take them all out in the office and reapply them. They also found an area where there was a collection of blood or fluid that they had to drain. That required them to open the incision a little. It was painful but luckily I had taken a pain pill before going to the doctor so it was tolerable. They told me to spend a few more days on the pain medication and to try not and move around as much as possible to give the incision time to drain and then heal. I am still in pain but at least I can walk upright now instead of hunched over. I am so glad I went to the doctor and they were able to fix the problem. I feel like I can really start healing now. Oh, she weighed 7 lbs. 10 oz. and 20 inches long. Esther still holds the record for my smallest baby.

Dancing Cheek to Cheek

Yesterday afternoon I was trying to rush around and get dinner fixed. Carl needed to come home early and eat and run. He has been trying to take down a swing set we got free from craigslist and it is time consuming. He has been there three days this week and still has more to do. I was very busy and trying to get it all the food fixed and ready. The older boys and Esther were outside playing (well actually killing a rabbit - more about that in another post). Sam was watching a movie. Caleb though just kept following me around like a lost puppy dog. He just kept attacking my legs in a bear hug. I had put on some music to drown out the Larry Boy dvd that was in the other room. I was frustrated with Caleb for being in my way as it had been a rough day with Daniel and Esther. Both of them were very rebellious yesterday and I was at the point where I was tired, emotionally drained from not getting angry at them, and just really wanted to go upstairs and cry. That dear, sweet little one of mine would not stop. He finally looked up at me with his big eyes as if to say "Mom, I just need a hug". My first instinct was to say no once again and go on with dinner. Then the Lord just pricked my heart. Caleb is not going to remember what we had for dinner, but he is going to remember a mom who held him and loved on him. I bent down (well, as much as I can bend down these days with this little one) and picked him up. He just laid his cheek next to mine and sort moved his little body as if to say "Dance with me mommy." So, off we went. A very pregnant momma and her almost thirty pound child dancing cheek to cheek around the kitchen. It was precious. This lasted two songs before my back finally told me that it was time to put him down. He gave me a big kiss and ran off. He just needed to know that he was loved. He was fine after that and was able to get dinner on the table before Carl came home. It made my day. It also made my day that Carl took the three older ones with him to take down the swing set. Esther and Daniel were sent to bed early for their behavior and were asleep by 9:00. Samuel needed my attention a little last night but was asleep by 9:30. I was able to get a bath last night that was uninterrupted (I usually get a ton of knocks on the door.) Caleb is such a sweet boy and a snuggler. He has such a loving spirit and I do not want to squelch that. I need to remember that my children are more important than a clean house or meals served on time.

Bin Laden

I woke up this morning to the news that Osama Bin Laden was dead. I am torn though. Yes, I am glad that there is finally justice for the victims of 9/11. Yes, he was an evil man. He sinned greatly and destroyed many lives. He deserved everything he got. But I too am just as much of a sinner as he was. There are no degrees of sin in God's eyes. He is a sinner and so am I. I guess my dilemma comes in the fact that no one reached out to him with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Except for Jesus Christ and his saving grace I would be headed to the same place Osama Bin Laden is this very moment. God said that he loved the whole world and sent his son to die for everyone. Does that not include Osama and every terrorist out there? In my heart I want to rejoice and be happy but I cannot. Osama is in hell for all eternity. My heart is grieving this morning, for Osama and for all the victims of 9/11 and every terror victim Osama killed. I just have a problem with going on the Face book and seeing all the Christians gladly rejoicing that another man is in hell this morning, even if he deserves to be there by his heinous actions. Every one of us deserve to be there too. I watch all the celebrations and it reminds me of some of the Muslims rejoicing when 9/11 happened. We were all appalled and could not believe our eyes. Are we any better rejoicing now that Osama is dead? Can't we just say that he is receiving his eternal punishment now and forever and leave it at that. I just am so thankful this morning for Jesus Christ and the fact that he WILLINGLY gave up his life to save this wretched sinner and all the wretched sinners of the world. He gave his life for all, including those that have done the most horrible things we can imagine. So excuse me if I do not rejoice this morning but grieve over another soul lost to hell. I will rejoice this morning over the fact that because of Christ's sacrifice and love for me that I will never be where Osama is this very moment and for eternity. I know that some people will disagree with me but that is just what the Lord laid on my heart this morning.

A Leap of Faith

Today I had an OB appointment and so I was in the process of finding shoes for all 7 kids (why do they have to wear their good shoes to go play in the creek?) I was ready to go downstairs and get everyone in the van. Caleb loves to be carried downstairs even though he can climb down himself. I sat on the top step so he could come into my arms easier than just picking him up. (this pregnant body of mine does not do well picking up a 25 lb. wiggling child). As I sat down he launched himself into my arms with a flurry of giggles and wrapped his arms around me in a great big hug. As I carried him down the steps it came to me how much he trusts me. He relies on me to protect him and provide for all his needs. My reward is hugs and giggles and the occasional kiss. He does not say mommy yet but when he comes and climbs in my lap in the morning it is all worth it. It reminded me of my relationship with Christ. I sometimes stand at the top and half to trust that God will catch me when I jump. It may be tackling a new project or being a more submissive wife. It may even be having eight children and homeschooling. Whatever "it" is that he is calling me to I need to trust that he will provide for my every need and give me the strength to accomplish the task. I need to jump and wrap my arms around Him tight and believe that he knows it is best for me.

An Easter Grocery Store Visit

Yes, I did go to the grocery store today. We are going to cook out on the grill tonight and I needed some rolls. First, let me say that it is so weird having so much open on Easter Sunday. The roads were packed and not with people going to church. Every store was packed, even the car wash had a line of cars waiting. So not used to that. We enjoyed a wonderful time of fellowship at our new church. It was a completely different Easter service but it was wonderful having all the focus being on Christ. The kids were good but definitely ready for the almost 3 hour service to over. After our fellowship lunch we stopped by Harris Teeter on the way home. Alex was elected to be my protector in the store. Carl always wonders why the kids are so eager to go to Harris Teeter. I told him that always have free samples of cheese and produce and free cookies for the kids. I bought what I needed and stopped by the Starbucks to pick up a cool drink for Carl and I (not used to 90 degree weather on Easter). I ordered and then turned to look for Alex. I almost started to panic when I could not find him. I was relieved when I saw him at the other end of the produce section just politely taking a samples they had available. I almost told him to come by me but then I realized that he is 12 years old. I need to trust him a little more. So instead I sat down and waited for my drinks to be made. Alex came over and we had a good discussion about which samples he liked best and even offered to run and get me some. We decided that the fresh pineapple was best. It was fun just having a grown up discussion about food and talking about what recipes we wanted to try out some time at home. It just hit me that he is not a little kids any more. He is growing up a little more each day. I need to let him be on his own more as that is training him to be a man. As a boy he so wants to be a leader like his Daddy. It has been great for Alex to see Carl stepping up and taking more of a leadership role in our family. This church has really challenged our whole family in the true roles a husband, wife, and children are to have in a godly home. The kids have benefited so much from some of the changes we have implemented as a result of this church. Carl is more of a leader of our home, I am learning what a true submissive wife is and our home is no longer child led but parent led. I know I have gone off topic but the growth I see in Alex and all our children is a direct result of changes Carl and I are endeavoring to make in our family. Alex is such a sweet boy and he has improved so much lately. I just need to be sure to tell him that everyday and encourage him in the good changes I see in his life. All that from an Easter grocery store visit.

God's Best in Exchange for My Better

One of my favorite music groups was Watermark. Christy Noekels and her husband are no longer singing as Watermark and she has a solo career now. One of my favorite songs they ever sang was called Mended. It talks about God taking the broken parts of our lives and making them into something beautiful. There is one phrase of the song that makes me teary ever time I hear it. I have often thought about singing this song in church but I know that I would never last without becoming a blubbering mess. The phrase that gets me every time "You give us your best, for what we thought was better." I was listening to the song yesterday morning before that crew invaded the kitchen for breakfast. Just as that phrase was being sung Daniel, Sam, and Caleb came running down the stairs and started happily (for once) chasing each other around the kitchen table just laughing and having the best time being brothers. I thought to myself how many times I had told God that I could not handle seven children let alone 8. I have been complaining to God over what I thought was my tough lot in life with seven kids 12 and under and being pregnant. It just like God spoke to me and said "This is my best for you right now." I have in my head what I think my life should look like but God has something much better in mind. His best. Watching those three precious boys play together just reminded me that what I think is a burden is God's best. His plan is to fill the world with men and women who love Him and bring Him honor. Those three little boys could go on to become great men of God who spend their lives praising Him and bringing glory to His name. As I watched them play yesterday I thought back to finding out I was pregnant with each one. Carl had just gone back to Kuwait when I found out I was pregnant with Daniel. I cried thinking of going through 4 months of the pregnancy by myself with four little kids to look after. Carl and I were really struggling in our marriage when I found out I was pregnant with Sam. I remember thinking that I may be raising this child on my own along with 5 others. With Caleb, my dad was just recovering from leukemia and my mom had just found out she had a brain tumor. I remember thinking that I don't have time to be pregnant. What if something happens to my mom and I have to take care of my dad? Now, my parents are both still alive and Carl and I are improving our marriage day by day but that is where I was. I remember thinking that I did not want to be pregnant with each one of those precious little boys who yesterday were running around my kitchen bringing me joy. I thought about things yesterday and God gently reminded me that HE knows what he is doing and nothing is s surprise to him. I confessed those thoughts of not wanting to be pregnant a long time ago but Satan has a way of bringing them to mind every once in while and making me feel guilty. I feel guilty no longer. God has erased those thoughts as far as the east is from the west and I can now enjoy the BEST that he has so richly blessed me with. What I think may be better for me may be hindering me from receiving the Best God has in store for my life. What is in your life that is keeping you from God's BEST?

Flying By

As many of you know North Carolina was hit with some very bad weather this weekend. We are praising God for His protection in that we were spared. We are also praying for those who lost loved ones and those whose homes or property have been destroyed. One family in our church had a tornado come right through their farm. Luckily no one was injured. It was a crazy day where everyone was on edge waiting to find out where the storms were going to strike. Carl, the kids, and I spent the morning outside trying to fit some yard work in before the storms hit. Carl is in the process of building a lean to for his lawn things. It was an extremely windy day and I am talking the kind of wind that knocks your balance off. The kids spent the morning chasing toys that they had left in the yard. I sat down in a chair outside and rested for a moment. I laid my head back and just watched the sky. I can honestly say that I have never seen clouds move that fast. THese storms were moving around 50-60 miles per hour so it was incredible just to watch the clouds literally fly by. As I was watching the clouds the kids came running from the back yard to the front. It just struck me that my time with them is moving even faster that those clouds were. In the blink of an eye Alex will be on his own. It just made me realize that the time that I have with them needs to be spent well. I need to instill in them the godly character qualities that they will need to become godly young men and women who desire to serve the Lord. My time is so short and Alex turns 13 next year. Just that thought is enough to make me want to work even harder to make sure he is prepared for all the temptations and trials that will come his way. I know that my children need to make their own choices in life but I need to do everything in my power to instill in them the desire to make those choices God honoring ones.