No Motivation and Moving Forward from Where I Am Right Now - April 5, 2013

I have been trying to get back into the habit of blogging again but I find myself having no motivation whatsoever. All I want to do right now is take a nap. I have been trying to work on a feasible schedule as the kids and I have been suffering lately from chaos all day long. I have put a lot of time and energy into that. I just seem to be in a state of ... nothing. I don't want to do anything or be around anyone. I just want to ... be... alone. Does that sound weird? I guess it does. For the past 15 years I have not had a decent moment to myself. My days have been filled with diapers and crying and laundry and fixing meals and all the other various duties of a mother to 8 children. I feel almost like I have lost myself in trying to help my children discover who they are in Christ. I am not one of those women into the whole "you have to take time for yourself" movement. Yes, I do need to get by myself but what I am talking about is the child of God I am supposed to be. I have lost sight of that. I have been so intent on raising my kids to be godly young men and women (and have drastically failed by the way) that I have lost sight of the whole idea that more is caught than taught. I have let my relationship with God fall into disrepair all for the sake of my kids. That may sound like a good thing to some but not to me. If my relationship with Christ is not what it is supposed to be then my children are the ones who are going to suffer the most of all. How could I, a women who grew up in the church, miss this? I know all the things I am supposed to do and all the right things to say. I know what clothes to wear so as not to offend anyone and I know what to say to my children in public to give people the impression that I have it all together. If people only saw how I truly speak to my children. I have been so convicted of my behavior and my walk with God lately. Satan is using this to discourage me and bring me to a place that I do not want to be in, a pit ... of despair. It is so hard getting out of a pit once you are in it. The only way is to reach up for the hand of my Savior and allow him, in his strength, to pull me out. I cannot do it on my own.
All of that to say. I am not going to worry about what I have not done. All the catch up can wait. I am going to start right from where I am. The catch up may come later but for right now I am going to start at this moment. So back to my joy dare. I am going to start with today's assignment and if I get a chance to catch up I will but I am not going to stress over it.

Three Gifts at 11AM, 2PM, and 6PM.

283. 11 AM The fact that today is pay day and I am at the bank getting our budget money out. How blessed I am that we have money coming in every month that provides for our family of 10.

284. 2 PM The sounds of the piano being played. Today is piano lessons and Esther is playing right now. I am so thankful for Ellie who drives to my house to give the kids lessons. What a blessing she is and she loves all her piano students. What a godly young woman she is.

285 .6 PM Last night I was on my way to our Keepers meeting. Esther and I enjoy our time of just the girls. It was great to see her get so excited about learning how to be a godly young lady. I thank the Lord for the older ladies in our church who strive to be like the Proverbs 31 woman. I also am thankful for the young ladies who are growing up with Esther and encourage her to walk closer to the Lord.