A Pleasant Blessing

Tirzah Grace Trautman entered this world one week ago today. Her name literally means a pleasant blessing and she is. She was born via c-section (my 2nd). We chose a c-section for many reasons and I do not regret my decision. With the timing of her estimated delivery and the logistics of getting seven kids where they needed to go it was just the better decision. She is doing well. She had an ultrasound in the hospital that confirmed mild to moderate hydronephrosis (or enlarged kidneys). They found that her left kidney is enlarged. They are going to do another ultrasound next Friday and from that will determine what they need to do. Pray that the kidney will be normal size by then. She also had some issues with her bili levels but they let us go home. I was so ready to leave the hospital. She is a great nurser and sleeper. She actually slept 5 hours last night. Good girl. She is truly a miracle and I love holding her and the boys and Esther can't stay away. I am constantly shooing them out of my room where I have been for the past week. This time around I was experiencing extreme pain on the left side of my incision. I could only tolerate moving a little and could not get off the pain medication. I called the doctor in tears yesterday and they got me in today. They looked at the incision and found that the nurse who took my staples out and put the steri stripes did a poor job. They ended up having to take them all out in the office and reapply them. They also found an area where there was a collection of blood or fluid that they had to drain. That required them to open the incision a little. It was painful but luckily I had taken a pain pill before going to the doctor so it was tolerable. They told me to spend a few more days on the pain medication and to try not and move around as much as possible to give the incision time to drain and then heal. I am still in pain but at least I can walk upright now instead of hunched over. I am so glad I went to the doctor and they were able to fix the problem. I feel like I can really start healing now. Oh, she weighed 7 lbs. 10 oz. and 20 inches long. Esther still holds the record for my smallest baby.

Dancing Cheek to Cheek

Yesterday afternoon I was trying to rush around and get dinner fixed. Carl needed to come home early and eat and run. He has been trying to take down a swing set we got free from craigslist and it is time consuming. He has been there three days this week and still has more to do. I was very busy and trying to get it all the food fixed and ready. The older boys and Esther were outside playing (well actually killing a rabbit - more about that in another post). Sam was watching a movie. Caleb though just kept following me around like a lost puppy dog. He just kept attacking my legs in a bear hug. I had put on some music to drown out the Larry Boy dvd that was in the other room. I was frustrated with Caleb for being in my way as it had been a rough day with Daniel and Esther. Both of them were very rebellious yesterday and I was at the point where I was tired, emotionally drained from not getting angry at them, and just really wanted to go upstairs and cry. That dear, sweet little one of mine would not stop. He finally looked up at me with his big eyes as if to say "Mom, I just need a hug". My first instinct was to say no once again and go on with dinner. Then the Lord just pricked my heart. Caleb is not going to remember what we had for dinner, but he is going to remember a mom who held him and loved on him. I bent down (well, as much as I can bend down these days with this little one) and picked him up. He just laid his cheek next to mine and sort moved his little body as if to say "Dance with me mommy." So, off we went. A very pregnant momma and her almost thirty pound child dancing cheek to cheek around the kitchen. It was precious. This lasted two songs before my back finally told me that it was time to put him down. He gave me a big kiss and ran off. He just needed to know that he was loved. He was fine after that and was able to get dinner on the table before Carl came home. It made my day. It also made my day that Carl took the three older ones with him to take down the swing set. Esther and Daniel were sent to bed early for their behavior and were asleep by 9:00. Samuel needed my attention a little last night but was asleep by 9:30. I was able to get a bath last night that was uninterrupted (I usually get a ton of knocks on the door.) Caleb is such a sweet boy and a snuggler. He has such a loving spirit and I do not want to squelch that. I need to remember that my children are more important than a clean house or meals served on time.

Bin Laden

I woke up this morning to the news that Osama Bin Laden was dead. I am torn though. Yes, I am glad that there is finally justice for the victims of 9/11. Yes, he was an evil man. He sinned greatly and destroyed many lives. He deserved everything he got. But I too am just as much of a sinner as he was. There are no degrees of sin in God's eyes. He is a sinner and so am I. I guess my dilemma comes in the fact that no one reached out to him with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Except for Jesus Christ and his saving grace I would be headed to the same place Osama Bin Laden is this very moment. God said that he loved the whole world and sent his son to die for everyone. Does that not include Osama and every terrorist out there? In my heart I want to rejoice and be happy but I cannot. Osama is in hell for all eternity. My heart is grieving this morning, for Osama and for all the victims of 9/11 and every terror victim Osama killed. I just have a problem with going on the Face book and seeing all the Christians gladly rejoicing that another man is in hell this morning, even if he deserves to be there by his heinous actions. Every one of us deserve to be there too. I watch all the celebrations and it reminds me of some of the Muslims rejoicing when 9/11 happened. We were all appalled and could not believe our eyes. Are we any better rejoicing now that Osama is dead? Can't we just say that he is receiving his eternal punishment now and forever and leave it at that. I just am so thankful this morning for Jesus Christ and the fact that he WILLINGLY gave up his life to save this wretched sinner and all the wretched sinners of the world. He gave his life for all, including those that have done the most horrible things we can imagine. So excuse me if I do not rejoice this morning but grieve over another soul lost to hell. I will rejoice this morning over the fact that because of Christ's sacrifice and love for me that I will never be where Osama is this very moment and for eternity. I know that some people will disagree with me but that is just what the Lord laid on my heart this morning.

A Leap of Faith

Today I had an OB appointment and so I was in the process of finding shoes for all 7 kids (why do they have to wear their good shoes to go play in the creek?) I was ready to go downstairs and get everyone in the van. Caleb loves to be carried downstairs even though he can climb down himself. I sat on the top step so he could come into my arms easier than just picking him up. (this pregnant body of mine does not do well picking up a 25 lb. wiggling child). As I sat down he launched himself into my arms with a flurry of giggles and wrapped his arms around me in a great big hug. As I carried him down the steps it came to me how much he trusts me. He relies on me to protect him and provide for all his needs. My reward is hugs and giggles and the occasional kiss. He does not say mommy yet but when he comes and climbs in my lap in the morning it is all worth it. It reminded me of my relationship with Christ. I sometimes stand at the top and half to trust that God will catch me when I jump. It may be tackling a new project or being a more submissive wife. It may even be having eight children and homeschooling. Whatever "it" is that he is calling me to I need to trust that he will provide for my every need and give me the strength to accomplish the task. I need to jump and wrap my arms around Him tight and believe that he knows it is best for me.

An Easter Grocery Store Visit

Yes, I did go to the grocery store today. We are going to cook out on the grill tonight and I needed some rolls. First, let me say that it is so weird having so much open on Easter Sunday. The roads were packed and not with people going to church. Every store was packed, even the car wash had a line of cars waiting. So not used to that. We enjoyed a wonderful time of fellowship at our new church. It was a completely different Easter service but it was wonderful having all the focus being on Christ. The kids were good but definitely ready for the almost 3 hour service to over. After our fellowship lunch we stopped by Harris Teeter on the way home. Alex was elected to be my protector in the store. Carl always wonders why the kids are so eager to go to Harris Teeter. I told him that always have free samples of cheese and produce and free cookies for the kids. I bought what I needed and stopped by the Starbucks to pick up a cool drink for Carl and I (not used to 90 degree weather on Easter). I ordered and then turned to look for Alex. I almost started to panic when I could not find him. I was relieved when I saw him at the other end of the produce section just politely taking a samples they had available. I almost told him to come by me but then I realized that he is 12 years old. I need to trust him a little more. So instead I sat down and waited for my drinks to be made. Alex came over and we had a good discussion about which samples he liked best and even offered to run and get me some. We decided that the fresh pineapple was best. It was fun just having a grown up discussion about food and talking about what recipes we wanted to try out some time at home. It just hit me that he is not a little kids any more. He is growing up a little more each day. I need to let him be on his own more as that is training him to be a man. As a boy he so wants to be a leader like his Daddy. It has been great for Alex to see Carl stepping up and taking more of a leadership role in our family. This church has really challenged our whole family in the true roles a husband, wife, and children are to have in a godly home. The kids have benefited so much from some of the changes we have implemented as a result of this church. Carl is more of a leader of our home, I am learning what a true submissive wife is and our home is no longer child led but parent led. I know I have gone off topic but the growth I see in Alex and all our children is a direct result of changes Carl and I are endeavoring to make in our family. Alex is such a sweet boy and he has improved so much lately. I just need to be sure to tell him that everyday and encourage him in the good changes I see in his life. All that from an Easter grocery store visit.

God's Best in Exchange for My Better

One of my favorite music groups was Watermark. Christy Noekels and her husband are no longer singing as Watermark and she has a solo career now. One of my favorite songs they ever sang was called Mended. It talks about God taking the broken parts of our lives and making them into something beautiful. There is one phrase of the song that makes me teary ever time I hear it. I have often thought about singing this song in church but I know that I would never last without becoming a blubbering mess. The phrase that gets me every time "You give us your best, for what we thought was better." I was listening to the song yesterday morning before that crew invaded the kitchen for breakfast. Just as that phrase was being sung Daniel, Sam, and Caleb came running down the stairs and started happily (for once) chasing each other around the kitchen table just laughing and having the best time being brothers. I thought to myself how many times I had told God that I could not handle seven children let alone 8. I have been complaining to God over what I thought was my tough lot in life with seven kids 12 and under and being pregnant. It just like God spoke to me and said "This is my best for you right now." I have in my head what I think my life should look like but God has something much better in mind. His best. Watching those three precious boys play together just reminded me that what I think is a burden is God's best. His plan is to fill the world with men and women who love Him and bring Him honor. Those three little boys could go on to become great men of God who spend their lives praising Him and bringing glory to His name. As I watched them play yesterday I thought back to finding out I was pregnant with each one. Carl had just gone back to Kuwait when I found out I was pregnant with Daniel. I cried thinking of going through 4 months of the pregnancy by myself with four little kids to look after. Carl and I were really struggling in our marriage when I found out I was pregnant with Sam. I remember thinking that I may be raising this child on my own along with 5 others. With Caleb, my dad was just recovering from leukemia and my mom had just found out she had a brain tumor. I remember thinking that I don't have time to be pregnant. What if something happens to my mom and I have to take care of my dad? Now, my parents are both still alive and Carl and I are improving our marriage day by day but that is where I was. I remember thinking that I did not want to be pregnant with each one of those precious little boys who yesterday were running around my kitchen bringing me joy. I thought about things yesterday and God gently reminded me that HE knows what he is doing and nothing is s surprise to him. I confessed those thoughts of not wanting to be pregnant a long time ago but Satan has a way of bringing them to mind every once in while and making me feel guilty. I feel guilty no longer. God has erased those thoughts as far as the east is from the west and I can now enjoy the BEST that he has so richly blessed me with. What I think may be better for me may be hindering me from receiving the Best God has in store for my life. What is in your life that is keeping you from God's BEST?

Flying By

As many of you know North Carolina was hit with some very bad weather this weekend. We are praising God for His protection in that we were spared. We are also praying for those who lost loved ones and those whose homes or property have been destroyed. One family in our church had a tornado come right through their farm. Luckily no one was injured. It was a crazy day where everyone was on edge waiting to find out where the storms were going to strike. Carl, the kids, and I spent the morning outside trying to fit some yard work in before the storms hit. Carl is in the process of building a lean to for his lawn things. It was an extremely windy day and I am talking the kind of wind that knocks your balance off. The kids spent the morning chasing toys that they had left in the yard. I sat down in a chair outside and rested for a moment. I laid my head back and just watched the sky. I can honestly say that I have never seen clouds move that fast. THese storms were moving around 50-60 miles per hour so it was incredible just to watch the clouds literally fly by. As I was watching the clouds the kids came running from the back yard to the front. It just struck me that my time with them is moving even faster that those clouds were. In the blink of an eye Alex will be on his own. It just made me realize that the time that I have with them needs to be spent well. I need to instill in them the godly character qualities that they will need to become godly young men and women who desire to serve the Lord. My time is so short and Alex turns 13 next year. Just that thought is enough to make me want to work even harder to make sure he is prepared for all the temptations and trials that will come his way. I know that my children need to make their own choices in life but I need to do everything in my power to instill in them the desire to make those choices God honoring ones.

Memory for Today - PopPop and Amazing Helicopter Rescue

Yesterday was William's birthday. He is now 11 years old. Wow! He was excited because my mom has a tradition of taking the birthday kid out to lunch and then to Toys R Us to pick out a present. William came home with a mini air chopper (a remote controlled helicopter) and a game of some sort (I still have not figured it out). He was playing with all his toys waiting for pizza to arrive. He went outside because his brothers and sister kept getting into everything. About 10 minutes later he came inside with a real dejected look on his face. He was almost in tears. He told my mom and me that he had lost his helicopter. He had been in the backyard playing with it and it had gotten caught up in a tree. We told him that after dinner we would go out and see if we could get it down. What he did not tell us is that it was about 20 feet up in a tree caught in some pine needles. After dinner my dad and I go outside and look for abut 10 minutes just trying to find it. It is a mini one so it is not even 2 inches long. When we finally found it we tried for about 20 minutes to throw things in that tree to dislodge it. It was quite comically because we had things flying all over the place. Not once did we even get close to the helicopter. The kids were all laughing. They made a game of dodging all the items we tried to throw up. My dad finally got his ladder out and was able to finally dislodge it from the tree. We all did a little victory dance. William was very grateful. I was amazed that my father who has medical problems and really should not be out on a ladder was willing to take the time and do something for William that was so important to him. My dad raised three girls and has really enjoyed having boys to play with. He sure loves his grandchildren and all the kids sure do love their PopPop.

Memory for Today - Out of my sight

We attended a family bible study on Friday night. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. They started with a sword drill for the kids. Then they went into an hour and half long discussion on 2 Timothy. I think we got through 3 verses. The kids were all present and they outnumbered the adults. It was incredible. After the bible study the kids all gathered in the kitchen for Bible charades while the parents had a time of prayer. Then the kids came back in and performed their charade for us. We had to figure out what they were acting out. It was a blast. Then we had a great time of fellowship with the kids playing together and the parents just talking. It was great to talk to a bunch of other homeschool moms who experience the same thing I do every day in raising a large family. The one lady I spent most of the evening speaking to has 11 kids, the youngest having down syndrome. The other woman, whose home we were meeting in, has 8.
My memory for today actually came from Caleb. Making the transition to a family integrated church has been a challenge with Sam and Caleb. They have spent their entire lives going into the nursery and this church has none. Caleb was very sleepy and was just not being quiet. I was almost in tears when our gracious host came out to me and offered to set up a playpen for him in one of the bedrooms. I did not know how that was going to work because we forgot his pacifier at home. He did not settle down at first so I went to the room and just stood by the playpen rubbing his back. I then moved to the middle of the floor. Then I moved to the doorway. He was awake the entire time just watching me. I then went around the corner. The first time he could not see me he started crying. I just moved where he could see me and he settled down. I guess as long as he knew I was there he was content. As I am in this dark room a thought occurred to me. This is like our relationship with Christ. I need to get to the point that when I find myself walking away from the Lord I need to cry out. When I can't see God I need to cry out. I need to have him within my sights at all times. There have been times in my life when I have walked away not because of rebellion but because of laziness, apathy, or just busyness. In those times I need to cry out to God and look for him and seek him until I can see him again. It took that moment in that dark room with Caleb to remember that I need to work at walking close to God. It just doesn't happen. It takes effort and a lot of prayer.

Memory for today - Boy of Girl?

I had my ultrasound today. I was excited but did not want to get my hopes up. I did that with Caleb and ended up crying in the ultrasound room. This time I was prepared. I did not think too much about the whole boy or girl thing. I have been praying for girl for a long time but was trying to prepare myself for a boy too. I knew that whatever it was that it was God's perfect plan. I had been preparing Esther by saying to her that "God never says oops." I had promised her that when we found out that we would buy an outfit and let her open the gift to discover the sex of the baby. We found out and bought an outfit and wrapped it up in a bag. We got home and of course all the kids were so excited. Esther sat down and opened the gift and started screaming. We had wrapped a beautiful pink dress in blue tissue paper. It's a girl. Everyone just started yelling. My mom and dad were crying especially when Esther started crying and laughing at the same time. It was hilarious. We were all excited and a little bit shocked. I had wanted a girl but had been prepared for a boy. In the ultrasound room we were talking to the technician about how many boys we had. She said "Well, looks very girlie." Carl and I were silent for a second. She said it so softly that I was afraid I had heard her wrong. We looked at each other and said "What?" She assured us the baby really is a girl. Just as the boys were very clear in the ultrasound this little one was very clearly a girl. There was a concern they had. The kidneys were dilated a little off. One was dilated too much and the other was not dilated enough. I have to go back at 26 weeks for another ultrasound. I am trying not to worry about it especially since the doctor said this particular problem is an indication for downs syndrome. I am not even going to do research on it as I do not need any more stress right now. She was really pushing us to get some testing done but Carl and I are just trusting the Lord that his plan for this little girl is perfect. I am instead concentrating on buying a new wardrobe that is all pink and purple as everything I own is for little boys.

Memory for Today - Orion

The kids were in the van the other day and a funny thing happened. We were driving back at night from some place (I can't remember where). The kids were looking out the window and one of them spotted the constellation Orion. It is my favorite one and the boy's too as it is a soldier with a sword. They look for it every night. This night they were commenting on it and Sam said in all seriousness "No, I don't see Uncle Ryan." It took us all a minute to realize what he was saying and then the whole car busted out in laughter. He really thought we had said Uncle Ryan. I think that is going to be Uncle Ryan's new nickname. For those NC people, Ryan is Carl's youngest brother. The kids think he is way cool becuase he is single and also a soldier. He loves to play with the kids and they love him. So Ryan, if you hear one of the kids call you Orion, you will know why.

Memory for Today - The Tissue

Today was not a good day at church. Carl had drill this weekend. He comes home at night but he is gone during the day. Carl requested that I go to the family integrated church we have been visiting the past two weeks. I was a little stressed going by myself. The little ones are not used to staying out during the service. They have done okay the past two weeks because Carl and I would tag team them. This week though they were horrible. The service preaching last a full hour with singing after that and then a sharing time that sometimes takes an hour. Then we have communion time and prayer. It is a long service and Sam, Caleb, and Daniel had had it about half way through. The other ladies in the church were helpful as much as they could but I decided to leave right during the sharing time. Caleb was screaming and Daniel and Sam were yelling at each other. We normally have a potluck lunch afterwards. The older ones, who had been so well behaved the entire time, were very good about leaving early once I promised them lunch out. Once I got all the kids buckled in the car and was on the road I completely broke down in tears. I was stressed from being in a new situation with people I did not know very well and from trying to keep three little ones quiet for two hours. I was on the phone with Carl crying and telling him that the plan did not go so well. I was sobbing when Alex, who is sitting up front now that he is twelve, quietly called my name. I glanced over he was holding out a tissue to me with a smile on his face. It was so sweet and made me cry harder. Now, the kids are fed, little ones are down for a nap, and the older ones are watching a movie. I think I will lie on the sofa and take a much needed nap. I was amazed though that I had so many women in the church come up and offer me help. As I was leaving I had two women run after me telling me to please come back and not be discouraged. Each one of them had been where I am with little ones. They were so encouraging and it felt good to be around women like that. I guess it did not hurt that the message this morning was all about Jesus comforting us in our lives and then comforting those around us as well that we see struggling. This is the was church should be. Fellow believers encouraging one another and mutually growing together.

Memory For Today - My 12 Year old Boy

Alex turned twelve yesterday. He has been really struggling these past few months. He has been testing his boundaries and wanting more and more independence. It is tough because he so wants to be a teenager but he still wants to be a kid. Last year his birthday was not that great. We had some things come up that we could not make it a big celebration. Carl and I really wanted to make sure that this year he felt special. Sometimes being the oldest he doesn't feel special. We started last weekend by going to the aquarium and then a really nice dinner (Cracker Barrel). He had a great time. We had to do it last weekend because Carl has drill the next two weekends. We spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at my mom's house and he got to go out with my mom to Toys R Us. She always takes them and lets them pick out a present. I met her at Chuck E Cheeses with all the other kids and they had a great time. There was no one there because we went while school was in. We then ordered his favorite food for dinner and had an ice cream cake. Carl came down and spent the night and we all had a great time. Carl and Alex have been really struggling lately and there is a lot of healing that needs to occur. Carl decided to take him out on his actual birthday. He got off work early and he and Alex went to Golden Corral for dinner. That is Alex's favorite place to eat. He also requested to go to Frankie's which is like a big kid version of Chuck E Cheeses (only more expensive). Alex wanted to ride the go-carts but they were closed. They had a great time playing games. While playing one game (that Carl had paid $4 to play) Alex said he did not want to play any more. Carl was curious and asked why. Alex said he was uncomfortable with the way that the women in the game were dressed and how they were dancing around. Carl was impressed at the maturity level to recognize this. I was very proud when Carl related the incident to me. Carl also said that at one point Alex looked at him and said that they had done all the things he wanted to do and was there anything that Carl wanted to do there. Again Carl and I were impressed. He is such a sweet boy and I really see him maturing. He is right at that age where things move from little boy to mature young man. I think going out with just Carl went a really long way to heal their relationship. The greatest gift I gave Alex this year was making sure that his time was Carl was a priority. Just a side note to this post about my boy growing up. Carl and Alex stopped by the mall last night and Alex got a build a bear wolf dressed in a Harley Davidson outfit. I guess he is still my "boy" for a little while.

Memory For Today - What is in a name?

Carl and I listened to a sermon this weekend by Dr. S.M. Davis. It was entitled "How to name your baby?" It was very good. His main premiss was that the meaning of a childs name is so important. He urges parents to really have a meaning in mind and come up with a name that means that. Carl and I got to looking up the names of our children and we did okay. Esther's name means star and so does her middle name (Mary). William means protector and his middle name, Parker, literally means protector of a park. I think it was funny that those two have both their names mean the same thing. I have always loved the name Josiah for a boy and Carl has always shot me down. The opening of Dr. Daivs' message was all about the name Josiah. Carl and I just looked at each other and laughed. After we listened to the sermon Carl and I were discussing the name of this new little one. We both suggested that we find a name that means done or complete. What do you guys think?

Memory for Today - Caleb and Miss Caroline

Today Caleb had his speech evaluation. The same therapist that worked with Sam came out to the house and played with Caleb and asked a ton of questions. She said that he is definitely delayed just like Sam was. I will get a call next week to set up our weekly meetings. She said that his skills were ranging from the 3-6 month scale to the 15 month scale. He had nothing higher than the 15 month level. He is 19 months old and really closer to 20 months old. It was an encouraging meeting but also a little discouraging. I am glad that he will be able to get services but just learning that one more child has delays makes me want to cry. Actually I have done that today. He is such a sweet boy who understands everything and is very smart. He just does not talk yet. I just need to keep remembering that God gives us the strength to handle whatever comes our way. I also need to remember that God placed these special children with me because he knew that I would be the best mom for them.
On a good note, she was pleased with Sam's speech. The last 15 minutes of the meeting I got Sam up so she could see just how much he is talking. She was astonished at how much he was talking. She just could not get over it. It made me realize that what we have been doing (homeschooling and concentrating on improving his speech) is worth it all.

Memory for Today - Fellowship of a Different Kind

I hesitate to write this post because I am concerned that some of our Calvary friends might take it the wrong way. We love Calvary Baptist and it is a wonderful church that has many outreach programs to the community. For two years though Carl and I have been struggling with what kind of church we want to attend. We have always attended traditional American churches with Sunday Schools and Youth Groups and plenty of kids activities. We just could not ignore the Lord's leading any longer to move us to a different kind of fellowship. We made the agonizing decision to leave the church we have attended for 5 and half years. It was very hard. We have been looking at a particular church for about a year now and have done research on their doctrinal statement and their practices. They are a Family Integrated church which basically means there are no kids programs. The families participate together. It follows more of a New Testament church model of small gatherings of families worshipping and fellowshipping together and discipling each other to go out and share the gospel.
I was nervous to go this morning. How would the kids act? Would Sam and Caleb scream? Would I have no one to talk to? All these thoughts ran through my head. I prayed all morning long that the Lord would just calm my anxious heart and allow Carl and I to know if this was the right place for us. We got to the building where the services were held early (we later found out that we are one of the closest families to the building). We watched cars pull in the parking lot and one family had a small bus as they have 11 children (8 girls and 3 boys - Esther is excited). We walked in and were greeted right away with people telling us what to expect and how things ran. As the service started and things progressed I almost cried. It just felt like home. The men were encouraged to talk and lead and when the Lord's supper was observed Carl and I watched every father and husband take the bread and juice and pass it out to their families. I was astonished at the fact that the men were encouraged to do that. Carl was taken by surprise and had to pass Caleb off to me real quick before the plates were passed to him. There was music, teaching, discussion with the men sharing things that they had learned that week. We closed with a sharing of prayer requests and prayer. All of this was led by the men. After the service was over we had a sweet time of fellowship around a meal. Everyone brings food every Sunday. It was wonderful to talk to women who homeschool their many children. I did not feel like an odd ball. Women encouraged me and shared with me their stories of finding the church. Imagine my surprise when one woman came up to me and started talking to me. I knew she looked familiar. I had heard her speak at our Homeschool Conference many times. Her name is Melanie Young and her husband is Hal Young. They are the authors of Raising Real Men. An awesome book about, you guessed it, raising boys. They have plenty of experience. They have six boys and two girls. It was awesome to meet her and talk to her about some of the things we have been dealing with lately. The kids had a blast as when they were done cleaning up from the meal all the kids went outside to play. When Carl and I found them about an hour later they were all playing a game of soccer. We had a hard time getting them in the van. As we were leaving several boys ran up to the van waving goodbye and asking us to come back next week. It was awesome. It was wonderful to be in a place that values children like this church does. All the men and women kept coming up and playing with the little ones and saying how blessed we were to have them. I was almost in tears on several occasions as this is not the normal reaction we get to our family. It was just a sweet time of fellowship and worship. I am not saying that this is where we will end up going on a full time basis. We are going slow and waiting to see where the Lord wants us to be. For right now though this church just feels like home and until the Lord moves us I think we might go back.
I'm sorry Tara and Melanie if this makes you jealous but you are more than welcome to come down any time and visit. I love you guys and miss my Maryland girls!

Memory For Today - Nathan and the Blanket

It was another one of those days where I ended up on the sofa. I spent the morning on the phone with the Ob's office trying to set up an appointment. I keep getting the run around. I kept trying to tell them how far along I was but no one was listening. The nurse finally called me today and we spent 30 minutes going over my medical history which when you have delivered seven babies can be extensive. When she found out how far along I was (14 weeks) she got upset. I told her that i had been trying for three weeks to get an appointment. She was able to make me an appointment for next Thursday. Finally. I was drained from that phone call and the rest of the week which needless to say has been stressful. On top of everything else I did not feel well when I woke up. I think I am finally getting the cold that the kids have all had. After my phone call with the nurse I could not keep my eyes open. I asked one of the boys to get my blanket. Nathan jumped up very quickly. He got it and then very sweetly covered me up and asked if I needed anything else. He is such a sweet boy. He is so special to my heart and I love him dearly. I don't get to spend as much time one on one with him as I would like. That is something I would like to remedy this year. I am really trying to spend individual time with each child.

Memory for Today - The Popsicle

I went to pick up the kids today from my moms. She was watching them because I was at the kids exchange. We were ready to go after dinner and my mom, being a good grandmother, offered them popsicles. Sam said he did not want one but I told him it was a popsicle or nothing. He wisely chose a popsicle. He ate the whole thing and then with a sweet smile handed me the empty stick. He said to me "Momma, I no want that one. I want a different one." My mom and I just laughed at him. It was a good time just laughing after a tiring day.

Memory For Today - I want this day back

Bad day. Really bad day. I had doctor's appointments with the behavioral specialist at UNC today. There is nothing like going into an appointment and being told you are a failure as a parent. She did not come out and say it but she might as well have. I need to go take a nice hot bath and just calm down. I am feeling overwhelmed right now. I need to figure out how to get Sam and Nathan occupational and speech therapy and Alex some help too. Caleb is already in occupational therapy and soon will start speech. I am just tired.

Memory for Today - A Candlelight Dinner

Sounds wonderful doesn't it. Well there is a little back story to it. As I mentioned before I only get migraines when I am pregnant and this time around it is an every other day and sometimes every day occurrence. Today was a really bad one and still is. I have spent the afternoon in my dark bedroom watching videos with the sound almost off. Even this computer screen is too bright for me right now. I feel bad for Carl who has had the job of taking care of the kids today. I had set out some steak to marinade this morning planning a wonderful grilled steak, baked potato dinner for all of us. It was not to be, at least the baked potato part. My wonderful husband and children spent the afternoon preparing a wonderful meal. Carl grilled the steak, Esther made juice, Nathan made the green beans (even though he forgot about them and they burned), Alex cut and fixed potatoes. Sam and Caleb I believe were being watched by William. It was a group effort and very good. I was not looking forward to going downstairs because of the lights and noise. As I walked down the stairs I found a candlelight dinner all prepared and children who were trying their best to whisper. What a special moment and I will be honest I cried and gave my wonderful man a big hug. All the kids demanded hugs too and we had a good dinner before I had to escape to my bedroom again. It made me feel so loved. I know that every dinner can't be by candlelight but this one was so special.

Memory For Today - Sometimes You Just Need to Color and Pizza Hut

Today the window replacement people were scheduled to come out and replace the van window. It has had a crack in it for months. Carl told them anytime after 10 a.m. I had some errands to run today so I was waiting for them to come so I could go. I was planning on stopping b the bank, take the kids out to lunch, and then stop by Target for something William wanted to buy (they had some Lego's on sale and he had his own money.) By 1:00 they were not here so I fixed lunch for the kids and put the little to bed after that. Carl called the house to see if they had come and I told him no. I did not do school today because the kids wanted to watch them put the windshield in and I did not want them stopping in the middle of a lesson. I finally got a call from them to say that they would come around 3:30. By that time the kids were tired and cranky and generally misbehaving. I got a few minutes of peace while they watched the windshield being put in. They thought it was so cool. Carl called right about the time they were done to tell me that he was trying to get off work but that he might have to work late. That stinks because tonight is my grocery shopping night. He called around 5:30 to say that he was going to have to work late. Now Carl takes care of dinner for the kids while I go grocery shopping. They enjoy their time with daddy and he fixes cool meals for them. I had planned on that all day so I was not prepared for dinner. The prospect of dragging seven kids, one of which is having an asthma attack today, was not something I was looking forward to. Carl told me to order Pizza Hut. You can order online and get it delivered. The kids loved it because they loved stuffed crust pizza (anyone seen Despicable Me). It was a special treat and it allowed me a little while of peace because I told them if they misbehaved they could not eat the chocolate dunkers.
Oh the coloring. Earlier today the kids were watching a movie. I went upstairs to get something and when I came downstairs all the kids were at the kitchen table coloring. The family room where the movie was still playing was empty. I grabbed a coloring sheet too and we spent the next hour coloring and talking. It was great. Sometimes as adults, we just need to take some time and color.

Just a Note

I got confirmation last night that this memory blogging thing is a great idea. I got finished writing my blog last night and William came over and looked at the title. He told me I just had to read it to him. I did and that started about half an hour of William, Esther, Nathan, Alex and Carl listening to my past posts. They just kept asking for more and laughing. It was a great time for all of us. Please, if you are reading this, start writing down your memories. They are so precious and your children do pay attention. William told me last night that when he has kids of his own he wants a copy of all my posts so he can tell his kids the stories of his childhood. I so wish I would have started this sooner. PLease, don't wait. Five mintues a day to write down something special that happenened that day is not hard. Don't wait.

Memory for Today - An Hour Late and A Hundred "Hi Mom"'s and A Protector

Sam has been struggling with his asthma this year again. He has been on steroids 4 times since August. His maintenance medication, which he takes two times a day by nebulizer is just not working this year. He has had a constant cough this fall and winter and a runny nose. I called to set up an appointment with his pulmonologist and we got a March 17th appointment. The lady who made the appointment recommended I call the nurse directly to see if we could get in sooner. I left a message with the nurse and that evening I got the shock of my life. Our doctor actually called my house. Now it is a funny situation because Sam's regular pediatrician and his pulmonologist are both Dr. Wooten. They are husband and wife. It can get funny trying to explain that to people. He called the house from his home because I could hear his wife and baby playing in the background. Miracle of miracles he was able to see us today. I was so glad. Sam started coughing yesterday and had a horrible night so I was glad we were being seen. Sometimes it is hard to describe to doctors what your child is doing but this time they were able to hear it firsthand. We got to UNC for our 3:15 appointment and I was expecting to wait a while because he had added us in at the end of the day. We waited an hour before being seen but it was worth it. The doctor mentioned some things that I had never thought of before. He mentioned that it could be a reflux problem which is not a surprise because that runs in my family. He also talked about the trachea problem that Nathan has. He also mentioned just treating him like he has a dust mite allergy like Alex. Allergy tests are not very reliable until a child is around 4 or 5. He added some reflux medication and a nasal steroid to his medicine regimen to see if we can get the kids to stop coughing. He also is on a three week course of antibiotic because of a sinus infection. Poor kid. If this medicine does not work they might have to do more tests to determine if there is any inflammation in the trachea like Nathan has. It was a long appointment and Sam was so funny. He was crawling around on the floor and just making us all laugh. He kept hiding under my chair and then poking his head out and saying "Hi Mom." He did this over and over again. It was kind of comical talking to the doctor and having to say "Hi Sam" over and over again. He was so cute though as he had the biggest smile on his face. Even though it was a doctor's appointment he enjoyed the one on one time with mommy. Sometimes when you have a large family it is hard to spend that individual time with each one. I take it where and when I can get it. Like after the doctor's appointment I met Carl at the pharmacy. I intended on going by myself as I do not get much of that. I was already in the store when Carl called me. He said he was sended William in to be "my protector." He said he was not comfortable with me going alone. How could I resist the plea of a 10 year old boy who wants to be a young man. He kept me company as I waited for the prescription to be filled. We had a good time. It felt nice to be cherished by my fellas.

Memory for Today - Another Migrane and Andy's

Alex has been sick for the past two days with a nasty cold. I did not make him do school today. He just laid on the sofa. I gave him walkie talkie and put on a movie for the little ones and went upstairs to do school with the older ones. I gave him the walkie talkie so we could talk to each other without yelling. Around lunch time the migraine started. I could feel it coming. I rushed downstairs to fix lunch before it became too bad. I was able to get through lunch and put the little ones down for a nap before I ended up on the sofa with my special blanket. This day was not one when my kids would cooperate with me. They tore the house apart and yelled all afternoon. Daniel and Esther ended up sitting in chairs. William was told if he said one more mean thing that I was going to send him to bed. Nathan was told that if he put his feet on the floor (he was sitting next to me on the sofa) that he was going to bed. Caleb ended up in the playpen and Sam snuggled next to me on the sofa snuggling under my blanket. I don't think he feels very well. He started coughing again today and had to get a breathing treatment this evening. Carl called and I told him that if he did not get home soon that I was going to put some of the kids outside on the back porch (it is about 25 degrees outside). I was just kidding but he was home in record time. He even stopped by and got pizza for the kids and a steak sub and cheese fries for me from Andy's. I don't like Andy's all the time but when I have days like today I need cheese fries, a steak sub, and an orange aid. It hit the spot and I think not eating was contributing to my migraine because I started to feel better. Now if I can only get Sam, Caleb, and Alex over their colds without catching it myself. I have been popping vitamin c all week. Thank you to my sweet man who took care of dinner tonight.

Memory for Today - A lot Easier

Today I recalled something Alex said on Saturday. I know it was a few days ago but I did not want to forget it. He wanted to do a craft at my mom's. She has these really cool crafts that she gets from VA whenever my Dad has an appointment. The one Alex wanted to do was to make a leather pouch. He did not follow the directions completely so he was having a really hard time making it work. He looked right at my mom and said "This was a lot easier in my mind." How true is that statement. How many times have I thought of doing something only to find out that it was nothing like I planned or pictured in my head. Take having children for instance. I never thought that I would have three children with speech delays, several with learning problems or two with very bad asthma. I knew parenting was going to be tough but I never envisioned my life where I am today. I am not complaining because each of children has taught me how to draw closer to the Lord. I just thought that it was going to be easier. When you hold that newborn baby in your arms you never think of the times that child will have the stomach flu (along with all six siblings) or the times you will end up at the ER for stitches or a breathing treatment. You never think of your heart breaking when your child disobeys and rebels. You never think of the hard work it will take to raise that little one. Every minute with my kids, good and bad, is worth it. I would not trade a tear or smile. I guess like Alex though, in my mind this parenting thing was a lot easier.

Memory For Today - A Threat of Snow and Frustration

In North Carolina if there is a remote threat of snow then everything shuts down and I mean everything. People panic like nothing you have ever seen. Grocery store shelves are left empty and everything gets cancelled. We are supposed to get snow this evening and then later it is supposed to switch to freezing rain. It was forecast to start in our area late in the afternoon (around 5-7). Schools closed by noon and everything is shut down. That is fine as I am one who does not like to drive in bad weather. The only problem is that today the Sam, Caleb, and Nathan had a very important doctor's appointment. It was a meeting with the behavioral and developmental ped's doctor from UNC. She is very well regarded and it is extremely hard to get an appointment with her. The referral for this appointment was sent through in August and our appointment was made for January 10. That is how in demand this woman is. I was so afraid that the kids would get sick for the appointment that we have not gone anywhere for a week. I have spent days gathering paperwork and medical files. We spent the weekend at my mom's so she could watch the kids. Carl even took the day off so he could help me out at the appointment. I got a phone call last night from the doctor to make sure we were coming. I told her that there was no way I was missing this appointment. I've waited four months. I thought everything was okay. This morning at 8:30 I got a phone call asking us to reschedule. I lost it. I cried to the lady on the phone. I begged her not to make me wait another couple of months. It is so hard to schedule 3 kids together. I was extremely upset. She was able to schedule me for next week but I am still upset. As the day goes on and the snow has just started at 3:00 I get more frustrated. I can understand where they are coming from but when they make appointments four and five months in advance it is just frustrating that when it is time for my appointment it decides to be bad weather. I am just very disappointed today and feeling stressed out.

Memory For Yesterday - My Little or Should I Say Big Helpers

I only get migraines when I am pregnant and yesterday it was an all day event. I had grand plans to get school done in the morning and clean the house, which included about folding up 20 loads of laundry. (Yes sometimes I do let the CLEAN laundry sit in the laundry room until I can get to it) Around 10:30 I knew I was in for a bad day. The lights started getting brighter and brighter and the kids voices started sounding louder and louder. By lunchtime I was on the sofa. The kids said they wanted mac-n-cheese for lunch. Now we don't do fake mac-n-cheese. It is the homemade kind with a cheese sauce and everything. I told the kids I just could not do it. William and Alex told me not to worry. They would fix it. And they did. They handled everything from making it to serving it to cleaning up the kitchen. When I came downstairs from putting Sam and Caleb down for a nap the kitchen was almost clean and Esther and Nathan were actually helping each other put the dished away. Wonders never cease. I felt worse and worse and just told the kids to watch movies or draw or do a puzzle or anything quiet. They kept the lights off for me and the curtains closed. My sweet Daniel even got my special sofa blanket and he and Esther spent the day making sure I was covered up and warm. They actually stayed out of trouble and were good all afternoon. When it was time for the little ones to get up the older ones changed their diapers and made sure they were occupied. Luckily I had put Italian chicken in the crock pot before I started feeling bad. All I had to do was throw some green beans in the skillet and whip up some biscuits. That I was able to do after I finally found the Tylenol and it kicked it. (How come when I am looking for Tylenol all I find is children's allergy medicine and sun tan lotion and when I am looking for children's allergy medicine all I can find is Tylenol. Not fair.) Carl came home from work to a clean house and dinner ready. I told him I was going upstairs to rest and he handled dinner. I was served dinner in bed by my wonderful children and they were quiet. Sam even went to bed relatively easily. He only screamed for 20 minutes. I was very impressed by my children who went out of their way to be quiet and work in the dark and just generally make my day go so much easier. I can see the maturity in all of them and I am so proud. It is a lot of hard work training children to be godly young men and women and there are days when I spend a lot of time crying on my knees. There are a lot of times I just want to give up. It is days like yesterday that give me hope and reason to keep pressing on. I guess the Lord wanted me to see that despite all the times I have failed as a parent that through him and his strength I am doing the right thing. I don't have migraines a lot but when I do I am thankful for children who are a blessing to me. Oh yeah, and crock pots.

Memory for Today - A Momma in Training

The kids spent the night at my mom's house last night. Carl and I just had some things we needed to talk about and having seven kids sometimes prevents having normal adult conversation. We had a great time of just talking and we made some decisions about some issues we have been dealing with lately, especially with some of our children. It was just what we needed.
This morning I went to pick the kids up. When I got there the kids were already doing their schoolwork. My mom was working with Esther and Daniel and the older ones were doing math. Esther was so excited when I walked in the door. Sam was the one who unlocked the door for me because everyone else was in the back of the house. My mom explained why Esther was so excited. This morning she woke up and took it upon herself to get Sam and Caleb up and got them dressed. My mom was very impressed and complimented her greatly. She was just so proud of herself. She changed diapers and everything. It is so great to see her growing up into a little lady. I told Carl last night that no matter how hard I try, I can never properly train the boys to be Godly young men. I can assist and help but they need to see how from Carl. I did tell him though that it is my job to teach Esther how to be a Godly young lady. That is my goal for her. I want her to grow up and become a Godly young women. If God so blesses her with a husband and a family I pray that she will be a Godly wife and mother. I need to equip her for her Godly role in life. She is such a blessing to me.

Memory for Today - Those of a Like Mind and Miss Caroline

Today I got a phone call from Sam's old speech therapist, Miss Caroline. Caleb needs a speech evaluation and the CDSA worked it out so that she could work with Caleb since she is familiar with the family history of speech delays. I told her when she called that Sam was talking so well now. I guess she did not believe me for when she came to drop off the papers she was almost in tears. Sam came down the steps and was very shy for a few seconds. Then he just opened up and started talking in complete sentences. She could not believe it. He still has a long way to go but he has improved so much. Just to hear him say "I love you Mommy" is awesome. I can't wait for Caleb to start working with her too. I want him to at least start saying Ma Ma or even Da Da.
Also today I got a visit from our neighbor down the street. She is homeschooling her kids and had a couple questions as the oldest is only six. I was giving her a tour of the house and how I run things during the day. She had a lot of question because she has a 6,4,2, and newborn baby. It is funny because she has one boy and three girls. It was amazing to talk to another woman who values children and family like Carl and I do. She was telling me that she wanted more children and I found that amazing. When I told her that we were expecting #8 she almost jumped for joy. I almost cried. I get so many bad reactions from people and the sad thing is that most of those people are professing Christians. That is one of the reasons why we have not told many people about this new blessing. We are tired of being asked stupid questions and listening to even more stupid comments from people. I have heard every thing from "Do you know what causes that? (and yes we do) to "I wish people like you would stop having babies. I am tired of paying for them." (and yes my husband works very hard to provide for all of our children.) It was just such a pleasure to see someone have a joyous reaction to the news of a new little one for our family. I have struggled so much this pregnancy about people finding out and what they would think. I also have been struggling with the fact that there are so many women who desire a child with all their heart and for some reason they are unable to have them. Why would God choose me to be blessed with having so many children? I have so many friends and relatives who have lost babies to miscarriage and some who cannot have children at this point in their lives. I do not understand why God would allow me to have eight children and other women to have none. I have been just struggling with these issues since we became pregnant almost 12 weeks ago.I have come to realize that this child and any child for that matter is a blessing from the Lord and that this is not s surprise to God. This new life has been planned from the beginning of time and God's plan, not mine, is perfect.

Memory for Yesterday - A Sam Hug and a Sensitive Heart

Not much to report about yesterday. It was a stressful day due to the fact that we started school again. Alex does not do well with change and he threw a fit in the morning because he did not want to do his math. The weekend had not gone the way he had wanted. He had wanted to go somewhere and do something but that had just not happened. He was upset about a fight he had Carl and was generally in a bad mood. I was stressed already and did not care to fight with him. I told he could do his math later when his father came home. Luckily my mother came over yesterday and was able to help a little. She finally convinced him to do his math by telling him that when he was done she would go out and buy lunch for everyone. He was done in record time. Thanks mom! All day long though Sam kept coming up and just laying his head on my leg and saying "I love you mommy." What a joy! In the midst of a stressful day he kept making me smile. Also William was so special. He can always tell when I am stressed out. I have this horrible habit a stuttering whenever I get stressed. He was so attentive to me yesterday. He kept asking me if there was anything he could do for me and went above and beyond his normal chores. He has such a sensitive spirit and I hope he never loses it. I was fixing dinner and listening to some music. A song came on that made me cry and William just came over and wrapped his arm around me. What a special moment.

Memory for Today - Attentive Eyes and Burgers

Today was Sunday so we went to church. It was nice to be back. The kids were sick for two weeks and then last week was snow. Today we had five of the kids in the service with us. We are trying to train them to sit through the preaching. They did an awesome job. I had to take Nathan's notebook away before the service even started but he was quiet and was not a problem. I was extremely impressed with Alex and William. William got that new Bible and he looked up the passages and even took notes. Alex, who normally has his head stuck in his drawing notebook ,was paying attention the wholes time. It was so good to look at my two older boys and see such attentive eyes. They are growing up so fast and maturing into nice young men. I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for them in life.
About the burgers, my husband makes the best burgers in the world. I am not kidding. They are better than any restaurant. The kids wanted to go out to McDonald's after church and get burgers. Lately I have not been able to tolerate any fast food. I mentioned to Carl that I did have a taste for a good burger and not the fast food kind. He decided that tonight for dinner he would make his famous burgers. He came home from church and put all my Christmas decorations away while I took a nap. I was not feeling well this afternoon. He then braved the cold and drizzle to grill me hamburgers outside. I bet people thought we were crazy. It made me feel special that he was willing to do that for me and take over a lot of the household duties lately. He truly is a man who is seeking after God. I am a truly blessed woman.

Memory for Today - Daniel's Smile

Today, just when I needed it, I got a good dose of Daniel smiles. He has this habit of just coming over and climbing in my lap and cuddling. He has such a wonderful smile that is so contagious. You can't help but smile back. Just when I needed it today he came over and just climbed in my lap and snuggled with me for a few minutes. I think it is amazing how God gives us exactly what we need right when we need it. I was just not feeling very well all day and was just worn out. I think the holidays were just catching up with me. I really needed his smiles and cuddles today. He is so precious to me and a wonderful blessing from the Lord.

Memory for Today - Bible Excitement, Appetizers, and Movies

William made the commitment to read the New Testament in 90 days. He has been reading the Bible for a while but has not had one to call his own. He has been using an old Matthew Henry Study Bible that I got a long time ago. It is big and falling apart. Today I surprised him by taking him out to buy a new one. He was so excited. We spent an hour in the store trying to choose between two selections. He chose a Teen Study Bible (KJV). He got a great deal too. It had one of those engravable name plates on the back where someone had ordered it and then not picked it up. The name plate was blank so I did not care. We ended up getting a $40 bible for $12. He was able to get a really cool cover too. He is at his desk right now ringing in the new year by reading his new bible. How convicting!
At the end of our day we continued a tradition we started last year. We had appetizer night. The kids have looked forward to it all year. We had buffalo wings, pigs in a blanket, garlic bread, brushetta, chips and queso, pizza rolls, and mini eclairs. Real healthy I know but we only did it once a year. We then ended the night watching three movies. The Last Airbender - talk about a movie where you can have a theological discussion with your children. We kept having to pause it to answer the kids questions. We also saw Nanny McPhee. Good and again we were able to have some good discussions. My favorite of the night was a surprise. On a whim I rented Ramona and Beezus. I cried several times. There were some discipline problems but all in all it was cute and clean and had a good ending.
Well, that is all for today or should I say yesterday because it is now 1:00 am on January 1, 2011. Happy New Year to all. I am going to go read by Bible before I go to bed. There is nothing like having your 10 year old son challenge you to read the word of God. God is good.