Old things new

3 old things found new

88. My relationship with my husband has become new this year. We have been working on communicating better with each other. Our relationship is growing like it has never done before. It is really a God thing as The Lord is working on both of our hearts to make us grow closer to him and therefore closer to each other.

89. The old game that I play with my kids since they could say I love you. If one of us says "I love you " then whoever says "I love you infinity and beyond" first after that wins. My 13 year old has recently begun to play this game with me every night. He gets me every time and then just smiles and laughs. I recently found a letter I had written to my husband on our 1st wedding anniversary. I signed it "I love you infinity." An old game made new and I love it.

90. A friend from high school recently made contact with me on Facebook. It made me bring out all my old yearbooks. I have had a blast looking back to my high school days. I am thankful because it reminds how far I have come in my walk with The Lord.

I love Carl because he put the date on his "I love you because ..." frame. The joke is he always forgets the date so when I go back to blog I can never tell what day he wrote it.

Graces found

Three graces found in friends:

82. A phone call from my sister to ask my advice about homeschooling her daughters. She always makes me smile. She calls me "mother of many."

83. A good discussion with a fellow homeschooler at church on Sunday. Sometimes I feel like all I do is run after kids all Sunday. Some Sundays I get no adult communication. It was good to talk to her and find out she is struggling with some of the same things I am.

84. The open lines of communication between my best friend and I. Of course I am referring to my sweet husband. We have been working hard at communicating better with each other this year. I am so thankful for that.

85. A song heard - the music I listen to when I walk and run in the afternoon is such a blessing. One song in particular is called "Savior's Here" by Kari Jobe. I listen to it every day and it just lifts up my soul.

86. A soft word- the soft girly sounds from my 18 month old. She does not speak yet but she communicates with her soft voice. I love to hear her "talk."

87. Light seen - my 13 year starting to see the light with regards to his spiritual walk. He was saved at a young age but has really struggled these past two years. He has been meeting with his father for bible study Monday mornings and we are seeing small changes. I am so thankful and pray that the small changes lead to big ones.

I love Carl because he has asked men in the church to hold him accountable in leading our family.

My Kitchen

Three things I am thankful for today:
3 gifts in the kitchen

79. My crock pots. I love them. I use them at least three times a week. With 8 kids it is a necessity. In the past 24 hours I made homemade spaghetti sauce, two batches of potato soup and kept green beans warm for our potluck at church.

80. My kitchen table that was restrained and refinished last year by my mom and dad. We are almost maxed out on it but I love sitting together at dinner and talking about our day with my husband when he comes home from work.

81. My electric tea kettle. I use it multiple times a day. I fix my cappuccino in the morning and my magnesium at night. I love it and highly recommend them to non coffee drinkers.

I love Carl because he is always trying to make my life easier.

At Dawn, At Noon, At Dark

Three things I am thankful for:

76. A gift before dawn- the sounds of the garbage truck picking up our trash and recycling. I am thankful for their 5a.m. wake up calls, especially this week when it below freezing outside. I am so thankful I do not have to worry about where my trash goes and that I do not have to take care of it myself.

77. A gift at noon - my husband and I reconciling after a fight we had this morning. It was a rough morning but the day ended on a good note. It was also an opportunity for me to have a good discussion with my almost 13 year old about repentance and confession. The Lord really pricked his heart about an issue.

78. A gift after dark - reading the Bible every night to my 11 year old boy. It has become a routine for us and he looks forward to it every night. I love discussing the passages with him.

I love Carl because he is making us communicating better a priority and we working on making our relationship stronger than ever.

Stuck

This week I literally have been stuck in a rut. I have been off my schedule and that totally and completely derailed my consistency. I also had some discouraging news this week from a doctor. My mom has always said that it takes 3 days to get back on your feet after bad news. She is absolutely right. It has taken me 3 days but now I am ready to get back on track with my mission to grow in The Lord this year. I will not allow this week to make me fall. I will keep on track. So, I need to get back into the 31 questions. I am very far behind now.
Today's question is : what is one new way I can be a blessing to my pastor is year?

This is kind of a difficult question for me as we do not have a pastor. We have elders who lead our church and specific men take turns leading the services. I think the best thing I can do for them is to pray for them daily. I need to keep a list of who is serving for the upcoming week and pray for them. I also need to keep a list of the elders and pray for them everyday. Praying for Chris and April in Thailand is also something I think I need to add to my daily prayer list. I need to write it down and pray every day. I think writing a note to the wife of whoever is leading my be something I should consider. I know when Carl has had to lead the service that I prayed for and wanted to help him any way I could. I need to get my prayer journal right after this and add a page that reminds to pray for the elders and men in the church who are leading and for their wives to encourage them.

Three things I am thankful for.

Yesterday:
70. The blue sky on a warm, spring day where my children and I can go for a walk. Especially the first one after a long, hard, cold winter. I look forward to those days on days like today when the wind is howling and the temperature is in the 20's.

71. The blue of the sapphire is my engagement ring. It is my favorite gemstone. I love that my husband designed my ring and had it custom made. Every part has a meaning and tells a story.

72. The blue ocean water. Living near the Atlantic Ocean all my life has been such a blessing. I have visited every year. I love the peaceful sounds of the ocean waves. I have found such peace there and my words on a page seem to flow better at the ocean. I love going, even in the winter.

Today:
73. Borrowed- the books that we can get from the library. How awesome is it that we live in a country that we can go to the library and get most any book we want. I am especially thankful for a mother who buys books and lets me borrow them any time I want. She has a wonderful collection at her home.

74. Found- a new joy for my children this year. I have a renewed appreciation and joy for them as I have drawn closer to God. I am enjoying them more and the changes in them is amazing. Also, a renewed love for my wonderful husband.

75. Inherited - my mother has always been a reader and a writer. Words have been something she has always been good at. Whether something like that is genetic or not, she passed her love for the written word to me. She has always encouraged me to write. Last year for Christmas she gave me a wonderful gift filled with memories from my childhood. She wrote me a beautiful letter encouraging me to write down my memories for my children. She had a brain tumor a few years ago and has lost some of her memory. She now wishes she had written more things down.

I love Carl because he came home early so I would not have to worry about driving on the roads after they got really bad. Thanks sweetie.

Letting Go

Today was a day for letting go. I have been dealing with something with regard to one of the children since he was very little. He has seen multiple specialists and everyone has agreed that there was something wrong but no one would say what it was. We saw specialists at our pediatrician s office, and several at UNC. He was diagnosed with several things but in my heart I knew that there was something more. I knew what it was but I could not get the right diagnosis. I knew that once I had this diagnosis that it would open a door to the therapy and help this child needs. I made an appointment with a doctor who is considered to be THE specialist in diagnosing this particular problem. We had an appointment today with her. I was prepared to hear her diagnosis of what I knew already and move on to getting help for my child. I was not prepared for what she told us. What I thought it was she said it was not. She said it was just what we already knew he had been diagnosed with. I was devastated. Was I wrong all this time? I have been second guessing myself all day. I feel like such a bad mother because I was sure I knew what the problem was. I have just been upset all day because now I am right back where I was before. I have a child who needs help and I have to figure out how to do that on my own. Now begins the research of trying to fix the problems he has on my own. Diet changes, maybe. More structure, definitely. Lots of patience and time spent working with this child one on one. Trying to balance that with helping 3 other children who tend to have problems too. Trying to deal with the social aspects of this problem. I just felt deflated because I have other people say that my child has this particular problem that the doctor said he does not have. The thing i need to remember is, he is still the same kid he was yesterday. He still has these issues and will for the rest of his life. I guess it is just time to let it go and move on to helping him myself. I have been doing that his whole life, now I guess I just need to step it up a little. A lot of people have asked me why I would want this diagnosis for my child. Here is my reason. We live in a world that watches each other. I have had people ask me what condition this particular child had. I have always told them what he has been diagnosed with already knowing in my heart it was something more. I would have liked to have been able to tell them a real answer. When I tell them what he has been diagnosed with, they look at me weird because he acts differently than any child I have ever known with what they say he has. I especially would have liked to have told some family members who treat this child differently. I know things will be okay. I guess I am just venting a little. The Lord has sent me peace today but it keeps being swallowed up with Satan's attempts to discourage me. I need to keep my mind focused on things of God so I can continue to have peace. The Lord gave me a phrase from a song today that I have been clinging to. "Every gift that I receive you determined just for me, but nothing I desire compares with You." I have just been playing this song over and over today. This child is such a special gift. God knew that I needed him and he needed me. It was determined by God for me to be his mom because The Lord knew that I would take care of him and fight for him and protect him and teach him. He is my sweet boy and will forever love him and I think that God made him for a special purpose. He is unique and there is no one like him. He makes me smile and has such a sweet spirit that does not want to see anyone in pain. He is my constant companion and probably will be most of his life. I pray that God would reveal to both of us the wonderful plan He has for this child.

Three things I am thankful for:

61. A gift in the sky-Orion constellation. With 6 boys, we love the soldier with his knife/sword. We look for it every night. My husband's brother is Ryan and we were pointing out Orion one night in the car. One of my littles called out from the back of the van, " I don't see Uncle Ryan." Too funny.

62. A gift in water - Falls Lake, where we get our water from, is full and looks awesome. I have seen it almost empty during a drought.

63. A gift in memory - the meek and quiet spirit of my grandmother, Hester Holder. She died this summer. May I be like her in the way she never rose her voice to her children. I have one of her pearl necklaces that was given to me at her funeral. All the daughters and granddaughters received a piece of jewelry that belonged to her.

64. A gift wrinkled - the hands of my mother reaching out to hold my 1 year old daughter.

65. The smooth, clear skin of my daughters arms wrapped around her BaBa's neck tightly.

66. My mother bought me a really soft blanket for my birthday. The kids call it my special blanket. Tonight I could not stop shivering. I unfolded the blanket, which is always on the back of my headboard and now I am all nice and toasty. Thank goodness for mothers who buy warm, snuggly blankets.

67. In Christ I find peace. Today has been a day of disappointment and letting go of something I have held on to for years. I am still struggling but He has sent me peace today through songs.

68. In Christ I find satisfaction in my life. Right where I am is exactly where God wants me. Even in my disappointment today, He is all I ever need.

69. In Christ I find purpose. Every gift I have been given has been determined to be just right for me by God himself. Being a mother to two children who have severe ADHD and two others with other problems is a struggle but God knew I was the right mom for these children. I am their mom because God knew that it was the best thing for me and them.

I love Carl because he is sensitive to when I am upset and gives me the time and space I need to get myself together.

My Job

What is the most important thing that I can do to improve the quality of my work life this year?
I always joke with people that I have a job but I just don't get paid. Actually I do. But my paycheck comes in the form of kisses and hugs. I personally think that is the best paycheck in the world. I was standing in line today at Harris Teeter and the cashier said something about coming in to work. I made the comment that I have not had a job since 1998. Wow! The words coming out Of my mouth astounded me. I have been a stay at home mom of 15 years. Wow! Like I said before I do have a job and it is a hard one. I don't get lunch breaks or coffee breaks. I sometimes don't even get bathroom breaks. I am constantly on the go from sun up to sun down. I have 8 people that I am completely responsible for with me at all times. I am in charge of feeding them, clothing them, and making sure that their educational needs are all met. Wow! I do get paid in kisses and squeezes and drawings of me in stick figure. What more could I ask for? I know that there are times when I get frustrated and angry at my job, but this is where God has me right now. I am the mother of 8 and wife to one.
So, what can I do to improve my job this year? I can purpose in my heart the reason why I am doing what I am doing. I need to remember that I am right where God wants me to be. I need to remember that he never gives us anything we cannot handle and he equips us with everything we need to be successful right where he has placed us. This is what I need to remember when my children are sick and throwing up. This is what I need to remember when a child yells at me and tells me that they hate me. This is what I need to remember when a child had pooped his pants because he said he forgot. I need to put this all in writing and then look at it every morning. This is exactly where God wants me and he will give me the strength to be victorious.

Three things I am thankful for
Three gifts close up:
58. The sheer joy on my husbands face while he was playing with our little girl tonight.

59. The smile on her face at being close to mommy and daddy.

60. Paula Dean's peanut butter cup brownie s'mores made from scratch by my 13 year old baker boy. And eating them while watching the Ravens/patriots game. Go Ravens.

I love Carl because he enjoys watching football almost as much as I do. Go Ravens!

A financially worry free holiday

What is my most important financial goal this year and what is the most important step I can take toward achieving it?
Carl has always done the finances in our house. I know for him this question would be answered differently. I have a set budget every two weeks. I really want to work toward setting money aside for Christmas next year. Every year but this one I have been running around the month of December and completely miss out on the true meaning of Christmas. This year I purposed in my heart to be done by the end of November. I accomplished that goal. I planned crafts and food and activities that made the season more special. My favorite thing was the Random Acts of Christmas Kindness that we did. It was awesome going around and paying for people's food at a drive-thru, leaving 60% tips for waiters, and leaving blankets at a bus stop on a cold day. The kids loved it. I want to be able to afford to do more next year and bigger things. So, I want to save all year long so at Christmas I can buy what my kids require and have money left over to do 25 days of RACK's.
One way I heard of doing this is to do a 52 weeks of savings plan. The first week you put in $1. The second week, $2. The third week. $3. It goes on up with you adding the amount of the week that you are on. So for week 31, you would $31 and so on. By the end of the year you save over $1300. I could do a lot of RACK's with that. Imagine the lives our family could touch.
So, that is my goal for year. I want to save as much money as I can in order to touch more lives next holiday season.

Three things I am thankful for:
3 gifts that might never have been

55. On July 4, 1997, I was going to a party to meet a boy I was dating. He never showed up. My husband attended the same party to meet up with another girl. She never showed up. I pouted and this man I had never met cheered me up and sang me a song. Two months later we got engaged and that same December we got married . 15 years and 8 kids later we are still going strong.

56. I took birth control as soon as we got married. I got pregnant anyway, twice. After that I felt The Lord leading me to trust him with our family. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would be the mother of 6 boys and 2 girls and my heart still having room for more. I am glad I trusted The Lord. He has blessed me so much. With our last one they found a kidney problem on the ultrasound. They told us it was a marker for Down syndrome. They brought up the topic of terminating the pregnancy. Our beautiful, Tirzah Grace is now a year and half old and very healthy. How blessed we are.

57. Standing on the side of the road after just hitting a deer. Car, totaled. Eight kids, hot and tired. In Indiana on our way to Colorado to visit my sister. One e-mail sent to our church loop. We had people all over the world praying for us. A friend of a fellow church goer gave us the number of a friend of theirs who lived nearby. They let us stay with them and their 7 kids. They fed us, did our laundry, and even let us keep our trailer on their property while we continued our journey. We now have friends for life and all from a deer that hit our van.

I love Carl because he gets so excited to try new things, even if I think going over someone's house to slaughter ducks is a weird thing.

In No Mood to Write

I am just in a rotten mood tonight and will not even attempt to blog. I just need to pray and go to sleep but I did something to my neck today and I can hardly turn my head. I wanted to just relax tonight but the kids took all the hot water so I can't take a bath. Oh, well. I just need to be alone and get my heart right. I also keep waking up at night and feeling like I am under spiritual attack. I am actually not looking forward to closing my eyes. That, and Tirzah has woken up every night this week and has a bear of a time going back to sleep. I think Satan is trying to discourage me in the changes that I have been trying to make this year. I need encouragement and prayer and I am upset right now with my sweet man for a silly reason but I am upset nonetheless. So, I am not getting any encouragement from him right now. Sigh. Off to pray and confess and plead with God for more than 4 hours of sleep tonight. Oh, the kids ruined my pillow today by pillow fighting so I can't even get comfortable. Can you hear me sigh?

I listed these gifts earlier today before the day really even began and chaos erupted. Kind of ironic huh?

Three gifts from God's word:

52. Psalm 17:15
"As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake I shall be satisfied with your likeness."
I am most satisfied when I am most like Him.

53. Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!"
This is my prayer every morning and evening.

54. 1 Corinthians 10:13
" No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
It is the "way of escape" part that I cling to in this promise.

My man

Who is the person you most want of encourage this year?
My sweet husband. I have done so much to discourage him in the years we have been married. I have been prideful and selfish. I have thought only of myself. This year I am beginning to find my joy in serving others more and meeting their needs. I want to do this for Carl. Starting on our anniversary, December 20, I decided to write a reason why I love him every day. So far I think I have only missed one day. I have had so much fun writing them on the frames I put up. Some days are funny reasons and some days are serious. Some days are confessions and some days are passionate. The Lord has been revealing to me these days how much I love Carl and what a strong man he is. I am amazed at the fact that he has grown so much in The Lord recently. I am so proud of him. I feel privileged to be called his wife. He is not without flaws but he readily admits them and strives to turn from them. I so want our home to be a sanctuary for him. I want him to come home and feel so loved that it is hard for him to leave the next day. I then want to send him off to work ready to face the giants he may encounter in the world, knowing that whatever happens he has a wife at home who adores him. I am going to work diligently this year to encourage Carl and to make him feel more respected.

49. A gift bringing laughter - my sweet little girl throwing her hands up in the air and yelling "yeah." She then looks around and waits for everyone else to do the same. Once we do it and are quiet she does it all over again. She grins so much while playing this game.

50. A gift bringing prayer - being woken in the middle of the night for 2 hours feeling like I am under spiritual attack and reading my bible and praying for my husband and children until sleep claims me again.

51. A gift bringing peace- my sweet husband putting the little ones to bed and then playing video games with the older ones. It allows me to time to have devotions and write in my blogs. What a special time each night.


I love my man because he keeps encouraging me to keep exercising and tells me not to give up even though I am in pain.

21 Days

What habit would you most like to establish this year?
It takes 21 days for something to become a habit in your life. We need to be consistent for those 21 days for it to become ingrained in us that we do it without thinking. For me, this year, I feel like my daily time with God and my prayer time are the habits I need to establish. I have neglected a time of daily devotion with God for a while now and I can see that it has been detrimental. Jesus himself went off by himself early in the morning to be with the Father. He knew that in order to have the strength he needed for the day that he had to go and meet with the one who gives us strength. He had so many people clamoring for his attention. Everywhere he went he met people in need. Sometimes I feel like all I do all day is run from one child needing something to another child needing something entirely different. With several children who have ADHD and other learning disabilities I feel like I am chained to the school room during the day just to keep kids on track with school work. As soon as school is over I have to run around to get the house straight and dinner on the table. I feel like I am worn out by the time Carl gets home and I feel like I have nothing left to give him. That is a sin on my part. I am a wife first and a mother second. So, my quandary is this, where do I find the energy to get to the end of day in order to have energy left my dear husband? He is on the battlefield all day long. He is out there in the world defending his faith. The enemy is constantly trying to discourage him. I want our home to be a place where he can come and be energized and encouraged. I want it to be a place where he can relax and feel loved. So, what do I do? How do I be the helpmeet that Carl needs? First, I need to realize that the only person who is capable of helping Carl in this life is me. I am his wife. God chose us to be together from the beginning of time and he does not make mistakes or say oops. That bring me back the original question. What habit do I need to establish this year. Here it is, a daily consistent time with God, preferably in the morning. Jesus started his day out with meeting with the Father. He is our example so I should follow him. That is tough because I am a night owl and I hate mornings. I need to do this though so I can draw near to him before the chaos of my day starts. I also need to meet with him at night to examine my day to see where I went wrong and how I can do better tomorrow. Just a little side note, I also want to start reading the bible to my children every day.

Three things I am thankful for :
Witnessed blessings

46. Esther and Sam running off and her helping him write a letter to me telling me he is sorry for whining this morning. Sam is 5 and Esther is 9. What good that did for my heart this morning. We have been struggling with devotions in the morning. The little ones are learning to sit still.

47. My sweet man calling and offering to bring home pizza. I have started a couch to 5k program and I am in my first week. I am sore and tired. A double blessing is the dinner I had in the crock pot, which still needed some attention, is ready for dinner tomorrow.

48. A dear friend from church encouraged me this morning. She and her husband used the "I love you because..." idea that my sweet man and I have been doing with a seminar that they were teaching last night. It so encouraged me and I needed it. It brought tears to my eyes and validated that I need to keep going in encouraging and uplifting my sweet man.

I love Carl because of the way he puts the little ones to "bed."

Walking in truth

What is the most important need I feel burdened to meet this year?
I know that I can not force my children to come to a belief and faith in Jesus. I know that I cannot make the ones who are saved want to have a growing, vibrant relationship with Christ. My joy is not found in this. What I can do is pray for them more than I ever have. I can lead them to the feet of Christ by example. I can live my life in such a way that they have no excuse to not come to him and grow to be more like him. I know the decision is theirs but I need to model a victorious Christian life for them. I have made so many mistakes in the past. My children are the way they are because of the example I have set. I am suffering the consequences of my sin by seeing those same things fourfold in my children. It grieves my heart to know that I have not shown them how to be like Christ. I have made a commitment this year to make changes in my life that cause me to draw closer to God and to honor and enjoy him more. I cannot make my children want to have that same desire. I have seen such change in my own life and I want that for my children. It seems that the last couple days I have just been bombarded with the damage I have done to them. Just tonight I was so discouraged. I just wanted to cry and run away. I realized that this is exactly where Satan wants me and where I have spent the last year. I went upstairs and the chaos of bedtime was just grating on my nerves. I just started praying and the things I have read this year just started flooding to my mind. My God is a God of impossible things. My children walking in truth seems an impossibility right now. But God can accomplish much in the hearts of a family that wants to honor him. He can take my mistakes and turn them into a wonderful testimony to his glory and honor. I need to keep praying for the impossibility of my children turning to Him and trust that he WILL ANSWER. He will turn my mourning into joy. I have felt more joy this week despite the fact that all of these things are coming to light. I have confessed my mistakes and will continue to do so as I learn myself how to walk closer to him. When I am discouraged I will trust God. I will fill my mind with things that honor him. I will remember that he promises to never give us anything that we cannot handle. So, this year the need I feel burdened to meet is to guide my children to walk in His truth and even if they choose to go down a different path I will give Him all glory and honor. I WILL follow Him all of my days until my last breath.

100 gifts of God's grace
45. A gift worn: my glasses that I need to see everything. Without them I would not be able to drive or see the beauty around me.

46. A gift given away: a hug from my three year old while on my afternoon walk. Who can resist a child running toward them with their arms open wide and a huge smile on their face?

47. A gift shared: a letter to God that my 9 year old wrote. She has struggled with reading and writing her whole life so it was a blessing.

I love Carl because he is striving to be courageous.

Simplify

What area of my life most needs simplifying, and what is one way I can simplify in that area?
Hmm. Where to begin? There a lot of things that need simplifying in my life. I think the most needful area is stuff that we own as a family. Our house is full of things. Things we use every day but a lot of things that I actually have forgotten we own. Because of disorganization I have ended up buying duplicates of a lot of things. The kids have so many clothes that their closets are bulging. They don't even play with half the toys in the playroom. Let us not being to talk about the garage. The outside is also cluttered with toys and miscellaneous things. We just own too much. I have tried to get rid of a lot but it always ends up being replaced. I think part of my problem is that I love a good deal. I will buy something I do not need just because it is a really good deal. I don't even want to begin to talk about yard sales and thrift stores. Is saving money and finding good deals an honorable thing? I think it is. Is taking it too far and not meeting the needs of others around me a bad thing? Yes, I believe it is a sin to see someone in need and know you have the resources to meet that need , yet do not. I have always been under the impression that I need to keep it for myself just in case I might need it one day. I have been convicted recently that I am not doing enough to meet the needs of those around me. There is a world that needs to see people live out the love of Jesus Christ. I also have seen how detrimental that attitude of keeping everything for my family has harmed my children. They are very selfish and prideful. They are constantly fighting over who has the most or the biggest piece, who had the longest turn, and not sharing anything. They would rather fight their sibling than share. I have been trying to teach them recently about giving back for the glory of The Lord. It is a hard road after we have spent so many years living one way and now we want to honor God more. Let me just say that Satan has been working overtime to discourage me in the changes I am trying to make in my home. Today, especially was a day filled with bad attitudes, whining, and complaining. It has taken so much energy to not go back into the habit of yelling and anger. I am exhausted. It does not help that I also started day 1 of my couch to 5k program today. I did not realize how out of shape I am. I am ashamed of myself for allowing my body to get this way. It is going to be a hArd road to get to a healthy stage in my life.
Back to the question. So, I need to simplify stuff. I think what I need to do is to go room by room and really purge all the things. I need to do a deep cleaning to find everything that may be hidden. I also need to keep a running list of things I need so I won't be tempted to buy things I already have. I also need to donate the excess in our life to a family or organization that needs it more than I do. It is going to take a while but I feel that my life will be better for it

Three things I am thankful for today:
Startling Graces of God

40. The fact that I am loved by a man who loves his wife and family so much that he is willing to work so hard to provide for us. He is truly my hero and I do not deserve him. God is so good.

41. I live in a country where I have the freedom, for now, to worship God and to share that faith with others around me. I have a church that I go to and songs to sing without fear of prison or death. There are people all of the world dying for the name of Jesus. What grace that he chose me to live in a country where I can freely worship him.

42. The holy word of God is ours to hold and read and study. We have the whole word unlike past generations that only had portions or it was not in their native tongue. Praise God that I have several bookshelves full of Bibles in different versions, sizes, and colors. It is truly God's grace to afford us the word of God here where we can read it in print or on the computer, iPad, phone, or even listen to it in our homes and cars. How blessed we are.

I love Carl because he was patient with Alex this morning and took him out to have one on one time together. I could tell the difference today in his attitude. Praise God for small moves forward.

The Most Important Decision

What is the most important decision I need to make this year?
For me it is getting very serious about my walk with Christ. I have been making a huge effort this new year to make with my walk with God more important than anything else. I have seen a huge difference in my attitude and my soul. I have seen a change in my children also. We have really been concentrating on recognizing our own sin and taking responsibility for that sin. I personally have been examine my days for habitual sins, like anger. I also have been trying to point out the sins I see in my children. I am trying to teach them that God takes our sin very seriously. I keep being bombarded with the idea that saying a prayer one time does not make you a Christian. Now I know that there are people who make true confessions of Christ on their death bed. Making a confession one time and then living your life like nothing happened makes me question whether or not the confession was real. The Lord wants us to live lives that are pleasing to him. Living so much like the world that people cannot tell you are saved is not being a Christian. I am appalled at the number of people I have had to unfriendly or block on Facebook. These are people who go to church and profess to be Christians. Their lives show no evidence of being a child of God. I am grieved at number of people who go forward in churches and say a prayer and then leave the church building to go right back to how they were living before. That is not truly a confession of Jesus. A true confession is one where we go and start to line our whole lives up with what the Bible says. We get rid of the things that go against God and replace them with things that are pleasing to him. It is constantly examining our lives for things that grieve God. It is confessing and repenting every day. It is reading the Bible and praying. It is sharing our faith and fellowshipping with other believers for encouragement and teaching. It is this and much more. It is not staying where you are but moving in the direction of being more like Christ.
So this year I intend to move in that direction. I want to look back at this year and be able to see without a doubt that I am more like Christ than I was at the end of last year. I want people to be able to see the difference and take notice so I can give all the glory to God. He has given me so much. I want to enjoy him this year more than any year I have been alive. I want to bring him more glory than I ever have. He deserves all the glory and honor. I need to stop worrying about what man thinks and use the gifts he has given me to further his name here in the earth.

Three things I am thankful for about myself today.
37. The Lord has put in me this year such a desire to walk closer to him and know him more.

38. God has given me a gift for putting my thoughts into words on paper that seem to touch the hearts of those around me. That is truly a God thing and not of myself.

39. The Lord has allowed me the awesome privilege to be a mother to eight wonderful children and one awesome husband. He also has given me a heart for however many more children he has planned to bless us with, biological or not.

I love Carl because he beat us home and was there to greet us warmly and was not upset over sandwiches for dinner.

10 years from now

What single thing that I plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?
This question has kind of hit me hard today. Carl had drill this weekend so I went to stay at my mom's. I spent the entire day doing what I normally do at her house, watching television. Today we spent most of the time watching the Ravens play the Broncos. Awesome game. I mean it was two well matched teams playing with the score going back and forth. It came down to the last 30 seconds of the game when Joe Flaco threw a Hail Mary pass for a touchdown. In double overtime the Ravens ended up winning. It was an adrenaline rush. I have not screamed so much during a football game in a long time. My point in saying this is while getting ready for bed i realized that the game and what I did all day today will not matter in ten years. People get so upset when their team loses but can you name the winner of the very first Super Bowl? I can now that I looked it up. What about who won ten years ago? I can't even tell you who won last year. My point is that the game today will not matter in ten years and especially not for eternity.
What does matter is the time I took today to spend with my 11 year old son. I sat and watched with him, cheered with him, and comforted him when a bad play was made. He is very sensitive about his team and how they do. That is what he will remember. The time I spent with him. He will remember that because I remember doing the same thing with my dad. He is big Redskins fan and we watched every game growing up. I can't tell you the scores or who they played but I do remember spending time with him. I cherished those times.
All of that to say this. The time I spend with The Lord is only thing that matters for eternity. That time I spend with The Lord allows me to be the kind of wife and mother that will do the things that are going to matter in 10 years and for eternity. If I do good things my whole life but do not show my children how to have a relationship with Christ then I have nothing that really matters. My grandchildren are the ones that I am thinking of when I am parenting my children. What I do today will affect them. I need to picture in my head how I want my children to be when they are gray haired. What kind of children do I want my children to raise? That is what matters. I need to have a vision that goes on after I am gone on to heaven.
I always remember an illustration by Francis Chan. He is holding a rope that goes across the whole front of the sanctuary. On the end of the rope is about 6 inches of red tape. He says that the red represents our life here on earth. The other looooooong part of the rope represents our life in eternity after we die. What we do in those 6 inches determines how we will spend the rest of the rope. We spend a lot of time on earth wasting time on things that do not really matter. Telling my children about Christ and others around me needs to be my main focus in life because that is the only thing that matters. The only thing I can take to heaven with me is other people. You better believe I am going to live my life in such a way that I show as many people as I can who Jesus is and what he can do for them.

Three things I am thankful for today.
34. Something above - the ceiling fan that is on above me. It got up to 70 degrees today. After the cheering from the football game I am still sweating.

35. Something below - my husband designs water and waste water treatment plants and I am so thankful for him. I don't put any thought into where the water goes when it leaves my house. I am glad I don't have to.

36. Something beside - watching the Ravens win an awesome football game with my boys beside me. It was a great time cheering together.

I love Carl because of the fact that he serves in the Army Reserves. I am so proud of him.

Grocery shopping

Tonight was my bi-weekly grocery shopping trip. I was able to take Alex with me and have some one on one time with him. It was good for my heart to see him smile and to hear him laugh. It felt good to have time to talk to him and he talked a lot. Due to the lateness of the hour I am going to be brief tonight. Tirzah is also up and trying to type with me. I am listening to her giggle right now as she plays with Carl. I am going to postpone my question for today as I want to be able to really think about it and pray about the answer.
The three things I am thankful for today was a tough one. I really had to think and pray about it.
Three yellow gifts of fresh mercy.

31. The yellow lines on the road and the yellow stop lights. Those boundaries in our lives keep us safe and protect us. Without them the roads would be chaos and many more people would be killed on the roads. What a wonderful thing God has given us to protect us.

32. The yellow reflective vests worn by the homeless people I see on the road. It makes me so thankful for the job that Carl has and the wonderful financial blessings The Lord has given our family. We do not deserve any of it but The Lord is merciful in not giving us what we really deserve.

33. The yellow mums that come out in the fall and the yellow daffodils of spring. What a glorious gift God has given us to celebrate the change of seasons.

I love Carl because he makes me take one of the kids with me grocery shopping. I so enjoyed my evening with Alex. I especially enjoyed his laugh and smile.

Prayer

What is one thing I can do to improve my prayer life this year?
Today, I am weary. I am just worn out physically. That always affects my days. I find myself more frustrated and short with the kids. I think it has been such an effort to keep myself on track these past days that satan is trying to convince me to give up. I cannot. I have seen such a difference in my little ones these past few days. Caleb has been such a sweet little boy as I am trying to show my children more joy. It is exhausting since I have been the direct opposite for so long. I also think the flu bug we had over Christmas is still affecting me. I seem to run out of energy after lunch. I pray to God for strength as I get out of bed in the morning. I guess I need to reconnect with him after lunch so I I have energy for the afternoon. That is when things seem to start going downhill. Alex has been with my mom since Sunday. We picked him up yesterday so I am again trying to deal with his anger issues over everything. It takes all my energy to remain calm and try to explain to him that he is being what the Bible describes as a fool. When he gets angry the other kids feed off that and it becomes a house of chaos. I have been really trying to talk to him about a foolish man verses a wise man and what kind of man he wants to be. He seems to be responding well but it is exhausting as a mother to deal with your child's anger, especially when it was modeled for him by me. I see small changes and that is encouraging.
Now you might be asking what this has to do with the question for today. Really, everything. If I do not start my day with communication with God and continue that through my day, then my day will fall apart. I need his strength to make it through taking care of 8 children and a house and husband. I have tried so many times to do it in my own strength but I fail 100% of the time. I have been crying out to God these last few weeks that he would just work in a mighty way in my life. He has been and I am praising him for it. My prayer life is still an area where I feel I need more help. I guess because I am a writer and have a creative mind that my mind is full of ideas and stories. I find my self thinking about everything but what I should be praying for. If I do not focus my mind then I do not have a focused prayer time. In order to do this I must write in my prayer journal. It is a necessity if I am to have a good prayer life. That is what I am going to change this year. I need to right in my journal whenever I feel led.
Some things I heard tonight while listening to a sermon by Paul Washer really pricked my heart. He asked "Is God just an accessory to you?" That is an awesome question. Is he the center of my life or is he just something that I grab on my way out the door so I look good on the outside? Another very interesting thing he said was about knowing God. He said it was not so much that we know God but that he knows us. He gave an illustration that just explained this perfectly. If I go up to the White House and ask to let in because I claim that I know Obama, they are probably going to arrest me. If Obama comes out and tells them he knows who I am, I am going to be allowed in. Do you see the difference? There are so many people who claim to know Christ but when they get to heaven they are going to be in shock that Jesus says that he does not know who they are. How can over 70% of this godless nation claim to be Christians and there still be 4,000 babies aborted each day? My heart grieved over the people living today who believe they have salvation in Christ but they really do not. The key is stated over and over again of how we can tell someone has a genuine faith in Christ. We can tell by the fruit in their lives. What fruit have I been producing? What about the fruit in the lives of my children? I need to be drawing so close to God that the fruit just spills out of me. I have seen such a difference these past few weeks in my soul and I find myself rejoicing more and being convicted about so many things in my life. I pray that I continue in this path that I am on.

Three things I am thankful for today:
28. A gift sour- a sour note on the piano played by one of my three children taking lesson. We are so blessed to afford lessons this year.

29. A gift sweet - my three year old boy lifting his arms up to me this morning and saying "Mommy, will you dance with me?" How could I resist?

30. A gift just right - my sweet husband kissing me goodbye on his way out the door to work. I was half asleep at the time but it made me thankful at how hard he works to provide me the opportunity to homeschool our 8 blessings.

I love Carl because he knows when my "I'm fine." Is a lie.

I Can't Stay Stagnant

What is the most important way I will, by God's grace, try to make this year different from last year?
Again, The Lord has been really working on me these past few weeks on this very issue. Last year was one of those years that I did not see any real progress or deterioration. I was just kind of stagnant. The problem with being stagnant is that after a while things start to rot and stink. If a body of water stays still and does not have any movement, things start to decay. That is where I was last year. The stink got to be too much for me so I determined that this year would be different.
The Lord has put people, books, blogs, and sermons in my path that all have said the same thing. What do I find my joy in? For me, that is what I am changing this year. I resolve to find my joy in Christ and what he has done for me. The Westminster Catechism states that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. John Piper says a good way to think about is to glorify God BY enjoying him forever. What a thought. I am being led that this is the main thing I need to change this year. I need to enjoy God. I do this by spending time with him in prayer and bible reading and study.
Do I really enjoy God? Do I crave and look forward to my time with him? The Bible is full of passages and examples that talk about seeking after God. A soul that longs for and thirsts after God is a common theme found in many passages. In psalm 63 it talks about this. Do I seek after God like this? Last year I did not. This year I want it to be different. It is going to take a while to get to that point. I can pray that The Lord would put a desire in my heart to seek after him and enjoy him more. I have already felt closer to God this year than I have in a long time. I think it is because I have been seeking him more and spending more time with him. I have been listening to sermons and godly music. I basically have been filling my mind with things of The Lord. I am slowly finding myself enjoying my time with him more. I am staring to look forward to the time of the day when I can come before him in prayer and study.
I want to close this post with something I heard Francis Chan say in a sermon called The Biggest Lie in Your Life. It was a sermon where he basically was confessing the fact that he had been letting things get in his way of his relationship with The Lord. It was good things that he was doing, like spending more time with his family, but he found himself neglecting God and not thirsting after God. He asked a very sobering question that really caused me think. Here it is. If you could have all the benefits of heaven, (no pain and tears, the mansion, the streets of gold, the fellowship with loved ones and friends), yet Jesus was not there, would you still be content? Don't give the answer that you think others want to hear. Really search your heart for the answer. Is my faith simply fire insurance to get to heaven or is it out of love and thirsting and desire for fellowship with Jesus?

Three things I am thankful for today:
25. A gift held - my sweet one year old girl snuggling with me this morning with her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

26. A gift passed by - a cement truck on the road that started an interesting conversation with my 9 year old girl.

27. A gift sat with - my mom and I sitting with all 8 children enjoying lunch at the mall.

I love Carl because he is understanding when I vent my frustration about something to him. He is patient in waiting for that phone call back apologizing and explaining what was really going on. After of course I have cooled down.

Who?

For whose salvation will I pray most fervently for this year?
Again, I do not have to put a lot of thought into this question. I had two names pop into my head. My sweet 7 year old boy, Daniel, who has not yet made a commitment to follow Jesus. The other name is that of half sister, Tammy.
Daniel is an easy one. What Christian mother would not want to see all her children come to faith in Jesus. I have had the awesome privilege of personally praying with two of my children to come to know Christ personally. Two others have made the decision on their own or with their father. Daniel has not yet come to a decision and it is on my heart to really pray for him this year. It has also been in Esther's heart for Daniel to come to know Christ. She is very concerned and prays for him and talks about it often. My desire is for The Lord to prick his heart this year so that he comes to a faith in Christ.
My sister, Tammy on the other hand is a whole different story. Both of my parents came to Christ later in life. My dad was married before he met my mom and thus, my half sister. We did not have contact with her growing up. That was her mother's choice and later hers. We tried to communicate with them but to no avail. She did come to live with us when she was in her late teens but she refused to abide by the rules my parents set forth. With three young girls in the house and their new faith in Christ, they gave her a choice. Abide by the rules or leave. She chose to leave. It broke my father's heart. Later she claimed to have come to know The Lord and the lines of communication were once again opened. We got to spend a few years getting to know them. She attended my wedding and got to meet my first two boys. We don't know what happened but she started drifting away and eventually became vehement that we have no contact with her. We tried talking to her, writing her letter but she cut us off. We especially wanted to contact her a few years ago when my dad found out he had leukemia. She ignored our calls and letters. Again, my father was devastated. I have always prayed for her but this Christmas season The Lord just greatly burdened my heat for her, her husband, and her two children. We recently discovered that my father has two other grandchildren that he had no idea about. I recently found her on Facebook and sent her a message. She has not responded but I am praying she will. She did send my older sister a Christmas card this year so we are encouraged that the doors may be opening. She has told us before the she wants nothing to do with us if we mention God. That is hard when God is the center of my life. I pray that the lines of communication would be opened this year and that we can start to grow a relationship with her and her family. My desire is to see her come to faith in Christ along with her whole family.

Three things I am thankful for today:
22. Dusky light - the excitement in my husband and children's voices as they went out and looked at the clear night approaching and all the stars coming out last night.

23. Surprising reflection - the anger I see in my children that is a reflection if the anger in me. It makes me want to draw closer to God so I can have victory and then help them overcome the anger too.

24. Lovely shadow - we have a cross in our yard that my husband built. When the sun hits it the right way there is a beautiful shadow we get o see.

I love Carl because he made Sam feel so special last night.

A Servants heart

The question for today is one that I have been pondering for a few days now. "What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen you church?" I read this question to Carl on Saturday when we went out to lunch to talk about things we wanted to change this year. We both kind of stopped when we read this question and kind of looked at each other. We discussed it a little and both realized that we have both been convicted of not doing enough for the church. We have attended SWCA for 2 years now and have not really done much. I grieved my heart to realize that we have become sideline church attenders. We go and fellowship but not much else. I attend the bible studies but not much else. This year my goal is to change that. In Acts, the local church was of one heart and soul. There was not one needy person among them because whenever there was a need it was met by the local church. Can I say that I have met the needs of my members of my church? No. That really does make me very sad. I have used the excuse that I have young children but that is a sin on my part. I just have not wanted to. I have been lazy and prideful in my thinking. I have the mentality of most Christians today. When I hear of a need I always assume or hope that someone else will meet that need. Well, this year I intend to be a vehicle that God can use to meet the needs of those around me. Even if I just pray for a person who sends out a request on the loop, I purpose in my heart to be open to what The Lord wants me to do to meet the needs of those around me. It means I need to make some sacrifices and come out of my comfort zone that I have sat in for years. Like yesterday, I am not sure what this will look like but I am committed to being a vessel God uses to bless others. That is my goal with regards to my church this year.
One thing I have to write down today is about the sermon I listened to this evening. I like listening to Francis Chan. He is such a passionate man when it comes to his faith. Tonight he was talking about the biggest lie we tell ourselves. He was discussing the facade we put for people around us and who we actually are. It got me to thinking. If you were to ask my children who I am when no one else is around, what would they say about me? That is a scary thought. I struggle with anger and laziness and pride. Kids are honest so I don't think I would want them to answer this question. The next thing he asked us to think about was if you were to go before the throne of God and ask Him who I really was, what would He say? That is sobering. I REALLY don't want anyone I know being able to do that. This question pushes me even more to further my relationship with The Lord this year. At the end of my days I do not want my children and friends to have to make up things about who I was. I want my life to stand on its own. I want there to be no doubt about how much I love The Lord. Also, when I stand before God I want him to say "Well done my good and faithful servant." I have always remembered something I heard as a child. If you were brought before the courts and accused of being a Christian, what evidence could there be brought to prove this fact. Something to really think about.
It is late so I will sign off.

Three thing I am thankful for:
3 graces overheard from people you love
19. My sweet older children taking care of the little ones while I slept in this morning (Tirzah did not sleep well last night).
20. The sounds of my husband getting up our two older boys to take them for an early morning breakfast bible study time.
21. The fellowship and conversation of my older girl while we cleaned her room.

I love Carl because he is patient with me as I grow in The Lord.

Time waster

Today's question - " what is the single biggest time waster in your life and what will you do about it this year?"
I am still fighting this flu bug so I am tired today. My post may be short or may be long. I think this is an awesome question for me today because of the events that took place this evening. I was so tired after church that I came home and took a little nap. I was kind of in and out as the boys had the football game on. Go Ravens! I kept being woke up and disturbed by children asking if they could play on my phone, iPad, iPod, Wii U and computer. Does anyone see where this is going? I finally got so frustrated that I stormed upstairs to my room where I proceeded to watch 2 hours of ... Cooking shows on my iPad. About 6 I decided I better go downstairs and get dinner started. I was met with every one of my children watching or playing some kind of electronic device. I was upset and Carl and I ended up arguing about dinner. It was not a pretty evening at the Trautman house. After dinner I went back upstairs and proceeded to watch more cooking shows and videos on YouTube. Oh, my! I was eventually convicted enough to stop and start my devotions around 10pm. My Psalm tonight was 6, where David is grieved over his sin to point that it makes him physically ill. Wow! Am I that convicted and grieved over my sin? Not normally. Tonight though I became extremely convicted about this time waster in my life and in the lives of my children. Television and video games have become our time waster. I have been convicted about this lately. I need to come up with some way to stop the amount of time that myself and the children spend looking at a screen of some kind. First thing I need to do is confess this before God. I need to bring it to him and pray and seek his guidance about what to do. Do I take everything away for a while? Do I put limitations about certain times? How do I go about breaking this horrible habit? I think I need to start simply by filling our schedules up so that we haves less free time. I also think I put time limits on it, like no tv after 9:00 or no tv until after lunch. I need to sit down and come up with a plan that Carl and I can agree is feasible. Then i need to have him hold me accountable. I already have been making some good changes. Today was actually the first time all week that I watched a tv show. I have been listening to sermons in the evening. Tonight I just slipped into that old habit again and I did not like the effects it had on my family. I need to keep on with the changes God is leading me to.

Three things I am thankful for today:
16. One thing in my bag- a checkbook that means my husband has a job that provides for our family
17. In my fridge -leftover Mac-n-cheese so I do it have to fix lunch tomorrow
18.in my heart -the love of a man who still loves me after being married 15 years to a sinner

I love Carl because you love me despite that I am a sinner !
Can you tell it was a rough evening?

Progress

My question for today is "In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?"
There are so many things that I want to work on this year. To choose just one is a tough decision. I literally have been thinking about this all day and seeking The Lord on this. I even consulted my sweet husband on the matter. How do I choose just one area? I really have two disciplines that I have been convicted about recently. Reading my bible and praying. I have been led though to choose PRAYER as the one discipline that I want to make the most progress in.
For so long I have prayed but not had a spirit of prayer. There is a difference. Most everyone prays. They pray when they are in trouble or need something. Yes, those are good times to pray. I believe that God calls us to live in such a way that we are always praying. Not the eyes closed, on our knees praying all the time. A spirit of prayer is what I mean. Living in such a way that we are constantly talking to God throughout our day. I know an older woman who truly lives out this. You will be sharing with her and all of a sudden she will just start talking to God on your behalf. It is amazing and takes some getting used to. I truly admire her and need to be more like that in my life. I need to consulate God on everything that arises in my day. When I feel anger start to rise I need to call out to him. When worry starts to invade my mind I need to cry out. When laziness starts to take over I need to seek him. I need to also start praying more on the behalf of others. Instead of ignoring or glancing over e-mails or Facebook posts, I need to prayer for them. I have been doing a lot better in this in recent months but I still have a long way to go. I need to also intercede on behalf of my children and husband more. I do now but again there is much room for improvement. I think my problem comes in that I find my mind wandering with other thoughts and I lose focus when I pray. I need to start writing everything down again. I need to write prayer requests down with dates and pray them everyday. I just need to write down what is on my heart asking God to intercede and then BELIEVING that he will answer. He could say yes, no, or wait. But he will answer. That is his promise.
So this year I am committed to making my prayer life much better than this past year. I plan on writing in my prayer journal more and interceding on the behalf of those who The Lord leads me to. I know that if I stay committed to this change that my life and the lives of those around will be much better.

I am a day behind on my 1000 gifts list so you are being blessed with 2 lists today.
10. A gift old - hearing from an old friend from high school through Facebook
11. A gift new - my wonderful vacuum that my sweet husband bought me for Christmas
12. A gift blue - the sweet blue eyes of my Daniel - out of 8 children he is the only one with blue eyes
13. Something I am reading - the Bible
14. Something I am making - Esther's Princess Aurora dress
15. Something I am seeing - the joy of my children when they hear we are visiting grandma today

I love Carl because he put Tirzah in her bed last night after I was up late trying to get her to go to sleep. She wanted to play at 12:30.

One Thing - January 4, 2013

I have been hearing the idea of simplicity of late. With all the New Years resolutions that people are talking about we can get overwhelmed. Several blogs I follow have expressed the idea of focusing on one word throughout the year. I think that is an awesome idea. I have actually chosen two words this year. Both come from yesterday's post, IMPOSSIBLE and JOY. These are the two words I want to focus on this year.
Today's question is " What is the single most important thing I can do to it prove the quality of your family life this year?"
Wow! Where to start? I think this one is kind of two fold. They really are the same thing. I guess it comes down to spending time before The Lord. I need to work on my prayer life. I need to be in an attitude of prayer throughout my day. I need to come before The Lord more and ask for the impossible things. I need to believe that he will answer those prayers. I also need to immerse myself in the Word of God. I need to read it, study it, and memorize it. I need to let it become my everything. How can I have a relationship with God if I don't spend time with him. It may seem weird to people that this is my ONE thing. It really isn't weird at all. You can have the most organized house and all the things the world has to offer. I can even have obedient children. If I do not have their hearts for The Lord or my heart in tune with The Lord, then it is all in vain. I have nothing. I am empty. My walk with The Lord is so important to how my family is. My walk with The Lord determines my family life. Is it joyful and pleasant? Is it bitter and angry? My walk with The Lord determines this. The more time I spend with The Lord the better my family will be. My walk with The Lord will trickle down to my relationship with my husband and my children.
So my one thing that I will do this year to improve the quality of my family life this year is to spend more time with The Lord.

Three things I am thankful for.
3 graces I have overhead
7. Sam asking me to forgive him for his whining yesterday without me prompting him.
8. Carl and I having a discussion two nights ago and not getting upset with each other.
9. The four laws of biblical communication. I keep seeing it everywhere.

I love Carl because he makes the best hamburgers EVER and makes them for me after he has worked hard all day. Thank you sweetie!!!!

Impossible things

My question for today is "what is the most humanly impossible thing that I will ask God to do this year?"
Really, this one is not hard. I have been thinking about this question for a while. My mom answered this question last year and she saw God do amazing things in the life of her and my father. She asked God to work in the area of my father's VA issues. He was at 60% disabled at the beginning of last year. My mom prayed for them to consider upping his disability to 100%. It was a legitimate claim that had been considered at VA and denied before. My mom prayed all year for them to reconsider. The found out in the summer that my dad's claim was accepted and he would be at 100%. For anyone who has ever dealt with VA this is virtually an impossibility. They sometimes take years to do this. Most of the time a person is dead before they get 100% disability. For my parents this was such an answer to prayer as now my mom and dad both have the security they need for the rest of their lives. My dad is physically incapable of working anymore. As I saw God work in an impossible way in my parents life I began to ask this question myself. What do I see as an impossibility right now in my life? I did not have to think long.

For me, it is all about my children. I want to see God work in the hearts of children like never before. I want him to especially work in the lives of Alex and William. I want God to move in their hearts so much that people cannot help but see the change in their lives. I want God to become such a part of who they are that there is no doubt in anyone's mind that they will do an amazing work for The Lord. I want to see God break down the bitterness and the walls that have been built up their hearts. For me this is my impossible thing. We have been dealing with issues with Alex for a few years now and I am discouraged about where he is right now. Wiliam has of late been having such a rotten attitude that it makes me sad. For those who say that it is just boys being boys I say you are wrong. I have met young men who are the same age as my boys who are on fire for The Lord. It is not a stage. It is a reflection of their spiritual walk with The Lord or the lack thereof. I know that my children are responsible for their own walk with The Lord. My happiness is not tied to that. I can pray and hope and believe that God will work in their lives. If they choose to take a different path than the one I want for them I know that it is their own choice, my job is to keep praying and hoping and believing. My job is guide them to make the right decision. It is my job to lead them to a better place. My joy is not conditional upon them changing. My joy is conditional upon the choice I make to pray for them and know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves them more than I ever could and wants them to live for Him even more than I desire that.
Mixed in with the impossible thing I pray for my children is the desire to see those very changes happen in my own life. I want God to move in such a way that I exude His name with every ounce of my being. I desire every word, thought, and action to honor his name. I desire for him to remove all the anger from who I am. I pray that I will become a woman of peace, prayer, grace, and mercy. This is my desire for the new year, my impossible things for the year.
With this comes my verse of the year. I am claiming this verse for the year and for many years to come.
3 John 1:4
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Three things I am thankful for today:
4. The creek outside in our backyard. Sometimes I can hear it trickling and it is peaceful
5. The warmth of our house on a chilly morning
6. NiNi's popcorn.

I love Carl because he took the time to snuggle with Sam this morning and kiss Tirzah while she was asleep. How precious.

A new year and already overwhelmed

At the beginning of a new year we are always encouraged to make new resolutions that we will keep throughout the year. This year is no different for me. This year I actually would like to keep them. I do well some years and others not so well. Last year was one of those years where I was just in a pit. It was self made of self pity and laziness and the stink of sin. For the sake of my children and my family this year must be different. I have been researching what I want to change this year. There is so much information out there. With instant access to the Internet with phones, iPads, and computers we can look up any kind of information we want. We can easily get overwhelmed. We can get to the point where we are so bombarded by good information from godly women that we do nothing. That is where I was last year. That is where satan wants me right now. I need to be careful that I do only what The Lord wants me to do. I have decided that I am going to take the whole month of January to reevaluate where I am and where God wants me to be. I am going to do that by answering 31 questions. These questions are designed to guide me to where God wants me do be. I have already made some changes and some resolutions. But I want to take it a step further. I want to prayerfully come before God and in his presence and like it says in Haggai 1:5 "consider your ways".
Question 1
What is one thing I can do this year to increase my enjoyment of God?
I think this one is pretty simple. I need to spend more time with him. I have neglected my walk with Christ this past year. There were times that I got close to God but it was not consistent. I did not have a day in and day out communication time with him. I need to come before him every day. I need to be in a spirit of prayer all day long. I need to purpose in my heart to do this everyday. I need to enjoy that time and look forward to it. I need to be joyful when it comes to meeting with my God. I need to think of things to be joyful about and confess that before God. If I think if just three things to be thankful for every day, by the end of the year I will have listed over 1000 things.
Today I am thankful for 3 things I hear.
1. Christian music that is God honoring.
2. The laughter of my children.
3. The pounding feet of little ones running to kiss daddy goodbye before he leaves for work.

I am also trying to list one thing a day that makes me love Carl.
I love him because he allowed us to take William and Nathan to see the Hobbit yesterday.