Worried Ramblings of An Overdue Mom

Okay, it is now 4:38 in the morning and I am wide awake and have been since about 3:00. I have gotten only about 2 hours of sleep. I am so tired right now but worry is getting the better of me. I am worried that I will go in tomorrow and have to have the C-section. I am also worried that I will go in tomorrow and not have it. Weird, I know. My fear is that something is wrong with the Caleb. I cannot stand another 6 days of waiting for my induction if he has turned and I don't have the c-section done tomorrow. I want to meet my baby now! I want him on the outside so I can touch and feel him. I am so worried that something is wrong with the cord. I don't know if it is Satan just attacking my thoughts or a mother's intuition that something is really wrong. It does not help that Caleb is moving non-stop tonight and I can't find a comfortable position. I have so many thoughts running through my head right now that I literally cannot relax enough to get to sleep. I am sitting in the floor of our loft because I want Carl to get some sleep. He needs it. My mom has the boys and Esther and that is another worry. She is getting weaker and weaker and I know having all the kids is a strain on her. I know the Lord is in control and I keep telling myself that his plan is perfect. I know that he will give me the strength to handle whatever happens tomorrow or the next day. I just am ready to meet this boy and can't stand the thought of going to the hospital and then coming home tomorrow and having to wait and worry for my induction on Wednesday. I know that Carl has work to do but I need him so much right now and I know that if I do not have the c-section tomorrow that he will need to go to work Friday and Saturday and also Monday and Tuesday. That leaves me with six kids, a messy house, and the worrying over Caleb. I cannot help the worrying. I know it is sin. I know God is in control but I still worry. It makes me want to cry because I just want to hold him so bad. All the things that could go wrong keep running through my head. I wish I could just shut off my brain and get some sleep. I wish I could just crawl into bed and relax but every time I do Caleb moves and I start to worry. Is everything okay in there? What if he stops moving? What if the cord is too short like Alex? What is it gets kinked or wrapped around his neck? The what ifs are winning the spiritual battle in my mind right now! I know Satan wants to have me fearful and discouraged. I know that it is his goal to take my joy away right now. I need to just cast all my cares upon the Lord but sometimes that is easier said than done. And right now is one of those times when ir is hard.